#and my normal blood pressure is naturally pretty low

[raksh-writes]

Gosh, this sudden change in weather has absolutely wrecked me, Im so damn useless I can barely sit straight, not to mention any type of thesis writing or anything similar ;_;

Guess it's time to take a forced break and let my brain slush around my skull like the sludge it has turned into, ughh

[scozthewoz]

mercs as cat breeds + kitty merc headcanons

inspired by/in collaboration with @joonliebe (i changed a few of them sorry pookie 💔)

kitty headcanons are from my cat fortress AU where all the mercs are cats that are foster fails because nobody wants those motherfuckers and now miss pauling is stuck with them all

spy ▪︎ persian - fancy and high maintenance. the signature bond villain cat

likes to be alone. needs to be taken to the groomer once a week or he gets pissed off and starts tearing up the couch. he has a very strict schedule and if his terms are not followed he throws a tantrum. he also sneaks out of the house and dissapears frequently. a dick to the rest of the cats, except scout for some reason.

heavy ▪︎ siberian - big boys with big coats, comes from siberia

the most well behaved cat there. scarred up and scary looking from his time in the pound, but he's suprisingly very quiet and peaceful. naturally chunky and big boned. miss pauling's favorite. he's a bonded pair with medic, they can normally be found grooming each other. he tends to wrangle scout when he's being too much, he doesn't like to see miss pauling stressed.

pyro ▪︎ sphynx - just a weird lookin thing. also an affectionate and energetic breed that likes to wreak havoc

peculiar little intersex kitty covered in burns, owners died in a house fire (that she may or may not have caused). both eyes are gone, but she navigates just fine. knows how to turn the stove on and has set multiple small fires. miss pauling puts him in cute little sweaters since he doesn't have any fur to keep him warm.

sniper ▪︎ savannah - hybrid of a house cat and a wild serval

very solitary, like spy, but not hostile to the others. owners were an old couple that died and it shook up the already shy cat. miss pauling doesn't need to feed him like the others since he sneaks out and hunts his own meals. almost completely silent unless he's sitting at the window and chirping at birds. evident dislike for spy. quiet and low maintenence so not a huge headache, but he tracks mud in the house. he's very skittish too, runs off or hides whenever there's company.

medic ▪︎ turkish angora - graceful. very majestic. cunty, even

on paper, he seems like a very good cat! he's an ex-service animal that still carries out some service tasks, like deep pressure therapy when miss pauling is getting anxious or retrieving stuff. only problem is that he loves bringing dead things inside, and he goes out of his way to rip it to shreds and get blood and guts ALL over the house. he also has a temper issue, and he needs little kitty glasses because his eyesight is shit.

engineer ▪︎ munchkin - haha short legs!! oh yeah, and they're pretty smart

used to be a workshop cat around for pest control, lost a leg in an accident. workshop guys gave him a kitty sized hardhat he gets very upset without. he's got a hard time jumping up on stuff since he not only has short legs, but he's got a prosthetic one too, so miss pauling made him a few kitty staircases up to his favorite spots. he likes stealing tools from neighbors and and scrap metal from outside and stashes them under the couch.

demoman ▪︎ scottish fold - scottish, prone to eye problems

missing an eye and has some singed fur from teens with fireworks. little kitty eyepatch. he frequently gets into the bailey's irish cream miss pauling keeps on top of the fridge and has to be brought to the vet for liver issues at least once a month.

soldier ▪︎ ragdoll - developed in america !!🇺🇸 tend to rough house when playing and are very vocal

used to belong to a war veteran, then became a stray after he died. clipped ear. his body's kept shaved because of scarring and matting issues, so he's got furry boots and a puffball tail, but the fur on his noggin covers his eyes. he frequently bothers the others. a big sweetheart for miss pauling, but agressive with anyone else. likes fetch. dog in a cat body.

scout ▪︎ siamese - the extroverts of the cat world, very energetic and chatty, also very clever.

his ma and brothers are all siamese, but he's got an oddly fluffy tail like a persian.. he's a big fan of miss pauling, never leaves her alone. gets pissy and scratches the curtains or breaks a glass when she's giving one of the other cats too much attention. wayyy too clingly and always causing some sort of trouble or getting into places he shouldn't. he also meows CONSTANTLY.

[shepherds-of-haven]

I'm a new player here and I've been trying to find some info on this through the tags but I wanted to ask: are hunter birth rates low in general or is more that people arent having 100% hunter kids? Idk why but in my mind I've been comparing them to pandas 😂

Hi there, that's a good question! The problem is multi-faceted, but simply put, Hunter birth rates aren't that high compared to other races, but not necessarily due to fertility reasons, if that makes any sense.

Here's a visual representation of pure-blooded Hunters who are capable of having pure-blooded Hunter kids:

⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤  But consider that many of these will enter service as initiated exorcists, and of these, some won't survive the rite of passage (which takes place around 15) and others will be killed in the line of duty before they settle down, marry, and have kids:

⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤

Now consider that, of the ones who do marry, some won't marry other full-blooded Hunters, meaning the kids they do have won't manifest Hunter powers (which is actually the main concern here, not necessarily that the Hunter people will necessarily go extinct, numbers-wise, but that their powers will dwindle out of existence over time):

⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤

And then consider that Hunters have a shorter lifespan than most other races, with old age, illness, and death beginning to occur in the 50s and 60s, meaning the period of time they even have to settle down, raise healthy kids, and protect them until adulthood is drastically shortened, especially if they also want to pursue their own careers and livelihoods, requiring they either start having kids pretty young (which not many Hunters naturally want to do unless pressured to do so) or meaning many Hunter kids are left orphaned young, which also affects their own survival slightly:

⬤⬤⬤⬤

So all of those factors kind of come together to make it difficult to maintain a burgeoning population of pure-blooded, full-powered Hunters who inherit grace (again, not necessarily that people with Hunter blood are in decline). It should be noted that when two Hunters do start trying for kids, their fertility and reproductive rates are normal! It's just that the circumstances and odds leading to such a coupling (and the fact that more and more Hunters to fall in love with don't have full blood or grace with each passing year) are kind of stacked the opposite way, unless you make it your life's goal to have pure-blooded Hunter kids. That's why Halek faces such enormous pressure to marry Moonsilk and have kids: her clan is one of the last that have the high-born, pure Hunter blood that would suit Halek's line and would guarantee full-powered Hunter children, but it comes, of course, at the cost of Halek feeling like he doesn't have the luxury of falling in love with whomever he wants, since this urgent need has been impressed on him from an early age.

Hope that all makes sense! It would be hilarious if their problems were more panda-orientated ("we'll just show them videos and demonstrations of how to have sex! someone put on white wigs so they can learn, they're just clueless on how to do it") though lol!

[forcedtogrow]

Hey man, I know you said you wanted to reach your natural limits first, but when you start considering going on gear, what are you planning? Bc we are sort of already on gear, so would it be a matter of upping the dose or combining it with other stuff?

I actually upside sometimes now, but I had to stop doing it for a while because my endo retired and my next one was an asshole who insisted I take basically low-dose despite my levels not being elevated. I am still researching what the best/safest options would be, more so in terms of less emotional volatility because I work in a professional field that very much requires rationality and clear-mindedness (my biggest reason to delay until I feel like I hit my limit). When I updose T (.8 a week or so, for a couple weeks at a time) I don’t notice any emotional issues at all but I metabolize T pretty quickly I think and I take .5 ml of 200mg concentration per week as a normal dose, and prefer .6ml per week as a weekly dose when possible.

I’ve never had abnormal labs and my blood pressure and heart rate are never elevated, so I guess I’m not as scared as other people might be. I would definitely use actual SARMs/steroids to get the results I want though. I will likely updose higher in the very near future which I don’t consider steroid use (possibly incorrectly??) because I like the feeling :). Not endorsing my choice for others, but I always notice more body hair and masculinizing effects even if I do a higher dose once every few months. My dick started getting thick when I upped to .6ml weekly, and oml I swear I can feel it growing sometimes.

[jailormoon21]

Chemo Round 1

Yesterday was the start of chemo. I woke up at 2am and paced around for many hours nervously. It was mostly just anxiety over the unknown and especially the sensitivity to cold. I had a feeling I would ace the other side effects but struggle with this one since I naturally run vampiricially cold, am anemic, and have the lowest blood pressure (like 90s/50s).

Today is day two and so far, the only symptom I've had is - that's right, the cold dysesthesia. I got home and immediately washed my hands in cold water (nope!) - went into the freezer to grab an ice pack (OMG! NOPE!) My hands immediately tingled and it was the craziest feeling. I ended up ordering more ice packs for my cold gloves (see below) that I have to wear during infusion which are supposed to help with long term symptoms - the ice packs got warm pretty fast. Oh, and I got a beautiful scrap quilt from Betty, and cried because it was something my grandma did frequently when she was well. So thanks Betty (grandma) for the beautiful quilt. I love both of you so much!

My first Signatera blood result came back today. I'm pretty happy with the number for now but I have an appointment with Dr. Bestie (that's Dr. M, the oncologist) so I'll ask her what to expect as far as how low that number has to be before I get scanned to determine tumor surgery date.

I can already tell that if my symptoms continue to be rock star levels like this, I'm going to want to return to normal like visiting friends, shopping and maybe even working a bit. I'm looking forward to seeing Dr. Bestie to get all my new questions answered! My next chemo is on November 18th. I have 12 rounds scheduled with my last round scheduled for April 7th! What a lucky day. It seems like it's just around the corner! It will be spring and getting really warm by then. Thank you for your thoughts , prayers and well wishes! Im looking forward to the future! <3

[survivingsusac]

What do you know about hyperchloremia?

It’s latin for high chloride in the blood.

Jumping right in today because I'm too tired for my typical rambles. Unusual, I know. And borderline concerning.

I got a complete blood panel workup done this week. It's a typical lab ordered for people who are on intravenous or subcutaneous immunoglobulins. I was on intravenous and now I do my own subcutaneous. A complete blood panel is used to make sure that the somewhat heavy medication isn't taking a negative toll on your body's organs, focusing on the kidney and liver function. As those are the organs that filter things out of the circulatory system.

Pretty much everything was in normal levels which is great. I like being “healthy."

That was ironic humor for those of you who may have missed it. Aurora is not “healthy,” but she finds it ironically funny that her levels are in the ”healthy” range.

Interestingly, there was one metric that was on the tippy top high end of the normal range. My chloride levels.

What is chloride?

Chloride is a mineral electrolyte in your blood which helps maintain the acid base balance in your blood. Chloride is measured on a spectrum called the pH scale, which ranges from zero to 14. 7, being smack dab in the middle, is true neutral. Healthy pH of blood is normally slightly basic with a pH range of about 7.35 to 7.45. Usually, the body maintains the pH of blood close to 7.40. Blood tests, like my full blood panel work up, measure the acid base balance by measuring the pH and levels of carbon dioxide-a gas which makes your blood more acidic-and bicarbonate-a base, present in antacids like Alka seltzer-in the blood.

Electrolytes help control nerve and muscle function.

*This information immediately connected little dots in my brain between spasticity and chloride*

The amount of chloride in your blood is often measured with other electrolytes to monitor kidney disease heart failure liver disease and high blood pressure.

What part of your body makes chloride?

High cortisol levels play a part in chloride increases. Cortisol, often called the stress hormone, is produced by the adrenal glands. The adrenal glands sit like tiny little berets on the top of each kidney.

Higher chloride levels in brain region weakens synaptic transmission in the cortex. High chloride = slow brain neuron firing, like you’re sleeping.

What does a high chloride level really mean? Explain it like I’m five, please.

High chloride can indicate that you are dehydrated, that you have kidney disease, that you have metabolic acidosis or respiratory alkalosis. Metabolic acidosis is when your blood is too acidic (low on the pH scale). Respiratory alkalosis is when you breathe excessively or hyperventilate so you have too much carbon dioxide in your blood so it’s more basic (high on the pH scale).

The most common culprit for elevated chloride is dehydration. And your girl Aurora is chronically dehydrated. So while I have my theories of why my adrenal glands began over-producing cortisol, I also recognize that I have a serious problem with keeping myself hydrated.

Side bar:

If you can’t connect the dots to how I would have experienced an increase in cortisol-the stress hormone-would play a role in a physiological response in my body, all I can say is have you read the blog? Not trying to be rude. But here’s the bullet point Spark Notes style version:

Fight or flight response active for entirety of marriage

Adrenal glands on, increase in cortisol and apparently chloride

Habitual issue with hydration (not helping the chloride processing situation)

That’s it. That’s my Spark Notes version.

Aurora is verbose by nature, but she can break things down into the short and sweet. But you’ll need the contextual knowledge for what is contained in those bullets points for it to mean much to you intrinsically.

So, just…read the blog.

Surviving Susac,

Aurora

[squigglywindy]

So…I’ve gotten a few requests for my infamous Hypovolemia Infodump, so it’s under the cut!

Disclaimer: This is not medical advice, this is Turture Blorbo Advice. But, I mean, if someone’s bleeding out and you remember something from this…I guess that’s a positive?

Most of my experience is purely hypothetical, I have a lot of textbook knowledge, but my actual hands-on shock experience is pretty small. So, take that as you will. Shock is one of my favorite subjects to study, which you can probably tell :D

Enjoy!

Hypovolemic shock is the shock that happens when too much of your blood falls out :)

So first! There’s three stages depending on how much blood you’ve lost:

1: About 15% (You’re probably feeling pretty okay)

2: 15-30% (The symptoms are setting in and you’re pretty out of it)

3: 30% and up (Oh no the shock is real)(but over 40% and you’re almost definitely toast. Gotta do something before you get to this point. That’s about a half gallon or two liters. Lotta blood)

The symptoms for each of the stages are going to be very similar, but they’ll get more and more intense as the blood loss increases (makes sense, right? No blood = bad)

Classic hypovolemia symptoms:

Tachycardia! Heart rate’s gonna speed up. It’s trying to compensate for the lack of blood, but there’s not blood, so if you feel the pulse it’s going to be really fast, but very weak. Thready, if you will.

Hyperventilation! Respiration rate is going to go up. This is because of distress, but also because of metabolic acidosis (which is a fancy way of saying your systemic pH is low, and your body compensates for this by blowing off CO2 by hyperventilating. That’s not really important, just know that you’ll breathe real fast)

Hypotension. Blood pressure drops. Makes sense - you’ve got less blood going through your blood vessels, so it can’t exert enough pressure. This is the big deal with shock - it’s like ‘the shock Thing’. The thing that needs treatment ASAP. With other types of shock, such as anaphylaxis (serious allergic reaction), this is done by injecting epinephrine, which causes blood pressure to spike, and all is well. That’s a story for another day, but consider: medicines that raise blood pressure will do absolutely nothing if there’s no blood to pressurize. So hypovolemic shock works a little different.

Pallor. Pale skin. Part of the pigmentation of skin can be attributed to the blood that lives underneath it, and when your blood falls out, so does your color. Whatever your natural skin tone is, it’ll go down a few notches.

Diaphoresis (I’m making you learn words, sorry). That’s a fancy way of saying sweat. This happens because your body’s releasing epinephrine in an effort to raise your blood pressure. It won’t work, but it’s trying, and epinephrine is the fight-or-flight hormone, which leads to…

Anxiety! This one’s fancy because yeah, it’s caused by the release of epinephrine, but also if you’re going into hypovolemic shock you’ve definitely been injured and are losing an obscene amount of blood, so who needs fancy hormones to feel anxiety?

Weakness. No blood, no strength - it’s pretty straightforward

Dizziness. Not enough blood to the brain = unsteady, the world will spin. Maybe they’ll fall; be ready to catch them. Actually, go ahead and set them down. You see blood, get them on the ground

Nausea, from all the crazy reactions from your body trying to keep you alive

Cold. Less blood means less warmth

And my personal favorite: CNS effects, such as confusion and agitation. If you don’t have enough blood, not enough blood can get to your brain. This results in brain malperfusion (not enough blood-flow) so it can’t work right and doesn’t know what’s going on. What’s more fun than helping someone who’s bleeding? Helping someone who’s bleeding and has no idea what’s going on!

In early stages, blood pressure may be normal and the symptoms mild; but as blood continues to drain, blood pressure drops, and symptoms increase. It’s a highly individualized experience.

So what do you do about it? Your friend’s laying there, they’ve been stabbed or sliced or fell off a building, and they’re bleeding. Maybe they have been; the shock’s already started. What now?

First and foremost! Stop the bleeding. Treating the symptoms of shock means nothing if the blood’s still falling out: they’re only going to get worse.

So, how to stop the bleeding.

For a smaller-scale injury, pressure. Pressure forever it is lovely. Noninvasive, doesn’t create secondary fallout, mash that injury into next Tuesday it’s gonna hurt but it’s worth it. Smoosh it. Mash it together and hold on tight.

So the pressure hasn’t worked. It’s too big, it’s bleeding too much, oh no. Perfect world? Stitches would be nice. But, depending on where it is and how it’s injured, they may or may not work. Whole artery got severed? Closing up the hole in the flesh isn’t gonna help a whole lot (hematoma, anyone? Bleeding under the skin) but it’s better than nothing until you can get to help.

Oh no, all else has failed? It’s tourniquet time. (Special side note that shouldn’t need to be said, but you never know. If you are bleeding from a head injury [and head injuries bleed a lot] then you’re just gonna have to suffer because you can’t tourniquet a neck. The ABCs are always priority. Airway, Breathing, Circulation. So yes, circulation is one of them and stopping the bleeding is number one, but you can’t sacrifice another ABC to save it. In this case, breathing). Tourniquets are fun because the angst potential is unreal. They can be made out of anything, which is where I get a lot of jollies. Very few people have a tourniquet laying around (I have one in my bag, but I never pretended to be normal), so they’re going to have to find something else. Any stray bit of cloth will do. A scarf. A really strong plant. Anything you can tie and make a loop out of. Wherever the wound is, put the tourniquet closer to the body. Slide something in the loop (stick, coathanger, a shoe, just not a body part) and twist that bad boy until it’s tight. Tighter than you think. Twist until you think “ah that’s too tight” and then twist a little bit more. And hold it. Actual tourniquets have a stick-holder, but if you makeshift it, you are the stick-holder. Now you need to write down what time it is, because when you get to help they’re going to want to know how long that tourniquet’s been tourniqueting.

The bleeding’s stopped, for better or worse. What else? (These can be done while stopping the bleeding, but remember: blood loss is priority)

Put the person in “the shock position”. Laying on their back, feet raised above their heart to help the remaining blood get to the parts that really matter (heart and brain, not legs)

If, and only if, you know that there’s not damage to their spinal cord, turn their head to the side (in case they throw up, this eliminates the risk for aspiration [fancy word for choking on inhaled fluids])

Put a blanket over them, if there is one. Helps keep them warm and conserve energy otherwise wasted by shivering

And of course, in any scenario where it’s remotely possible, the real priority is to call emergency responders and get help. Ideally, this can be done with one hand while controlling bleeding with the other. But if there’s no help to be had, do what you can

Always for any of the above, DO NOT MOVE THEM if you’re unsure if there’s spinal cord damage. Leave them still unless you know

So you held them together and now professional help has arrived. What’s next?

If the bleeding isn’t actually stopped, usually because a vessel’s been wrecked, they’re probably headed to surgery to get it sewed back up right

Tourniqueted limbs are usually sacrificed for the greater good and may get removed

But above all else, blood replacement. Transfusion is inevitable if you’ve lost enough blood to experience shock of any degree

Hydrate - you’ve lost a lot of fluid and hydration is never bad

That’s about it for hypovolemia. Enjoy harming the blorbos and making them bleed <3

[prvtocol]

@cyberpawn : What to get the person who could have everything she wanted, well, besides a low blood pressure. Vale was pretty sure that corpo work would make it impossible to have a normal blood pressure. But! Vale can get cool things! In a bag that was decorated in snowflakes, Vale packed it full of goodies! Bri was gifted a calligraphy set, a small, plush mouse, and a teapot with Beatrix Potter's art on it. "Tada!!! Merry Christmas, Bri!!" | wonderfully random asks (always accepting) ᠂ ⚘ ˚

The festively decorated package left on her doorstep the night before was scanned by security before it even made it inside the director’s estate. It would be placed alongside a row of unopened holiday cards, a crate of French wine from one of the Guyots, a bouquet of flowers from her mother, and various other packages mostly from corporate clientele that were delivered over the past week. As usual, work was unrelenting, the upcoming holiday pressing projects to completion that the mail accumulating on her kitchen island fell into neglect. Not until Christmas mid-morning when making her second cup of tea did she have the headspace to sort through it all. 

The snowflake-decorated bag stood out among those that came through the post, and she wondered, who on earth in Night City would hand deliver her something? It wasn’t until opening it and seeing the note that she realizes V, that friendly young merc who made her acquaintance, is living up to their sincere and generous nature. 

“My goodness.” With surprise, she muses, the habit of speaking to herself shining through as she pulls out a wonderfully anachronistic calligraphy set, a quaint and decoratively familiar teapot, and a small stuffed mouse, which she is a bit baffled about. She can’t recall the last time she was given a plushie as a gift (not since she was a child).

“Cute,” she says, wiggling its round ears and finding herself smiling in the process. Just when you think the youth today have no hope... How easily she forgets they once broke into her estate. ...Old water under the bridge.

[toasty-owoasty]

hi! i'm coming for your ace attorney/homestuck aus. you cannot hide in the tags. talk about them >:3

(only if you want ofc, no pressure, just a lot of interest)

lmao well if you insist~

(also shout out to my good buddy @jayljester / @jaylillustrates for being the main person I bounced ideas off of for this back in like.. 2020/2021 you should check them out their art is phenomenal)

so as I said before, there's actually three days. in order from least to most developed they are:

-attorneystuck

-turnabout alternia

-ace legislacerators

attorneystuck is your classic "what if x characters played sburb" story. have not thought much of it past that

turnabout alternia is a theoretical case wherein normal phoenix wright (and probably some other characters idk) get translated to alternia and have to defend one of the trolls (probably karkat) in a trial. I have no other details on this but terezi is probably either the prosecutor or the weird girl. think turnabout storm but instead of horses it's Homestuck.

ace legislacerators is the most developed & my favorite of the three. the idea behind it is sort of a rewrite of the ace attorney story line but on alternia? specifically an au alternia where humans and trolls live together. the impacts of this in society include reforms such as murder being actually illegal and frowned upon due to human influences, adults staying on alternia, trolls having actual family units, jobs such as legislacerator not actually being limited to one caste, etc etc. these changes are not pretty recent, probably being first implemented around/shortly before the tgaa era.

I feel I should also mention that by no means is the caste system gone. lower castes are still widely treated like garbage, and higher castes are still treated very well

for fun, here's a list of castes for the characters as I remember them bc again I have barely thought about this au in years :p (under the read more bc this post is already long)

Phoenix: indigo blood/human hybrid, explains why he's hardy enough to be able to withstand all the stuff he does

Edgeworth: Violet blood, he fishie :)

Larry: token human. just a normal guy.

Gumshoe: olive blood. I mean his jacket is already the perfect color

Von Karma: the von karma's are all teal bloods! they also hold the idea that as teals they are "natural hatched legislacerators" (aka Manfred is hemophobic despite not even being in that high of a caste)

Godot: as Diego Armando, he was a rust blood. but when he was poisoned they ended up filling him with teal blood! so diego=burgundy, godot=teal

Apollo: Apollo is a rust! he has normal horns AND hair horns so some people think he's a gold and get scared of his supposed psionics.

Gavin: If I recall correctly, the Gavins are both purple bloods. clown Gavins teehee. (klavier is probably more into the messiahs than kristoph, but I think both of them are very low-key about it)

Trucy: I don't actually remember trucy's caste but I *think* she was a burgundy? would make sense given. events. as well as her outfit as a kid being red.

Athena: She's an actual gold with psionics :) I never drew her, but my design concept for her involved her having four eyes, one for each color of the mood matrix.

Blackquill: I don't actually remember having one for him. Uhhhhh.. Ummm. Cobalt? yeah sure cobalt. taka is his "lusus" (even though lusii aren't actually parental figures anymore in this universe, they're more like pets but still have parental instincts)

Judge: purple blood. clown judge lol.

FEYS/KUHRA'IN ROYAL FAMILY:

so they're a special case. all people capable of spirit channeling or descendants of spirit channelers are a secret 13th caste... lavenders! in terms of hierarchy, lavenders would fall between violet and fuchsia (yes they are sea dwellers), but are generally unknown due to being mutants and also being a very very small caste. only some lavenders can channel spirits, just like how only some cobalts can mind control, only some burgundies have telekinesis, & only some golds have psionics. so yeah. all the feys are fish ladies :) (to explain why dahlia was able to cut ties from the feys, she simply just faked being a violet, shrimple as that)

[ultra-maha-us]

Menopause Treatment: During the Alteration of Life

Menopause takes place to ladies who are within their middle ages. It is the permanent end of monthly periods and fertility, identified as occurring 12 months after your last menstrual period. As a woman ages, the function of ovaries and the production of certain growth hormones progressively decline. Ordinarily, women menstruation ends at the age of 50. However, there are several menstrual changes which include shortening of cycle length, skipped menstrual periods, and even infrequent heavy periods which might be noticed a few years before the start of menopause.

Exactly What Are Menopause Indicators And Symptoms?

Signs and symptoms of menopause typically are not easily recognized before condition is clinically diagnosed. Especially as it occurs differently for each woman. Even though some ladies who sail through the transition easily, there are still many others who experience multiple internal and external indicators and symptoms. Some of the common menopausal indicators and symptoms are irregular menstrual bleeding, hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, moodiness, sleep irregularities, excess weight around the waist, baldness and loss of Menopause hot flashes breast fullness.

Should I Select Symptomatic Treatment Even When My Menopause Is Normal?

Menopause isn't a medical illness, but an all natural biological process. Sometimes even when it occurs naturally, the internal and external indications of menopause can be stressful. Despite of it being a natural process, you shouldn't hesitate to have menopause treatment if you're already suffering from severe symptoms. There are hundreds of menopause treatments in the market and you can easily find the right one for you.

Some Of The Menopause Treatments Options:

The commonly endorsed treatment alternative, hormone replacement therapy (HRT) is used to supplement one's body with estrogen (estrogen therapy) or a combination of estrogen and progesterone (combination therapy). It is actually effective menopause treatment but has its associated health risks.

Low-dose antidepressants especially selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) have been proved to diminish menopausal flashes. Another drug that's been shown to reduce menopausal flashes is Gabapentin (Neurontin) which is often used to treat seizures not to mention Clonidine (Catapres) that treats blood pressure levels. Bisphosphonates and vaginal estrogen provides estrogen while selective estrogen receptor modulators (SERMs) just like raloxifene (Evista) mimics estrogen's beneficial effects.

Additionally, there are complementary and alternative treatments for menopause such as dietary plus herbs, acupuncture, chiropractic and therapeutic massage, biofeedback, homeopathy, phytoestrogens, vitamin E, and black cohosh. Whatever the case, please do not forget to consult with your physician for alternate medicine as they may interfere or connect to other medications that you may be taking.

How Must I Control My Menopausal Condition?

Taking care of menopause includes a holistic approach to include lifestyle and even dietary aspects, as well as specific treatment alternatives. Take proper diet and enjoy your life. Menopause is nothing to be embarrassed about. Be optimistic and even you will be capable of managing it pretty fine.

[amaras-entire-bra1n]

My opinion on plastic surgery

well to start off,hi im Amara and on this little blog of mine i give my own opinion that no one asked for on any topic that has been on my mind and in this post we will be talking about plastic surgery

the following points will be mentioned:

-the normalization of plastic surgery

-plastic surgery causing unrealistic standards

-how plastic surgery is dangerous

-how you should love yourself instead of getting surgery done

have you ever went on TikTok and saw a video on your fyp encouraging you to get plastic surgery or seeing multiple videos of before and after's or even multiple videos of girls who have gotten plastic surgery.

the normalization and encouragement of plastic surgery is very dangerous to young people especially since the majority of the users of TikTok are under the age of 18.

imagine you're a young girl with insecurities and see that some medical surgery can make you look how you want.

have you ever seen a pretty girl online and thought to yourself ''i wish i looked like that'' or something along those lines and felt bad about yourself. Most of the time when we see people who we think look better than ourselves we start to feel bad but have you ever stopped to think maybe this is not real. If someone looks too perfect they are often highly edited or have gotten surgery and this includes actors, musical artists and models.

some people are born pretty but there is no such thing as being born perfect. Have you seen someone who was born with perfect skin, perfect hair, a perfect face and a perfect body? probably not and if you see someone who ticks all those boxes then they probably got some work done.

Plastic surgery can cause unrealistic beauty standards in several ways. One way is by creating a false impression of what is natural or normal for human bodies. Some celebrities or influencers who have undergone plastic surgery may deny it or hide it from the public, making their fans or followers believe that their appearance is achievable without any intervention one popular example is Kylie Jenner. This can lead to dissatisfaction, insecurity, or envy among those who compare themselves to these unrealistic ideals.

Plastic surgery is a complex and personal decision that involves various factors such as health, aesthetics, psychology, and ethics. It can have positive or negative effects on one’s well-being and self-image. It can also influence how others perceive and treat them. Therefore, it is important to be aware of the potential consequences of plastic surgery and the unrealistic beauty standards that it can create or perpetuate.

Some of the most common plastic surgery complications are hematoma, seroma, blood loss, infection and nerve damage. These can result in pain, swelling, bruising, numbness, tingling and poor cosmetic outcome. In some cases, these complications can be life-threatening, such as deep vein thrombosis and pulmonary embolism.

Plastic surgery can also affect your mental health. Some people may experience depression, anxiety, low self-esteem or body dysmorphia after undergoing cosmetic procedures. These can be caused by unrealistic expectations, dissatisfaction with the results, social pressure or stigma.

Plastic surgery can have several risks and complications. According to WebMD1, these include:

An unexpected reaction to anesthesia

Infections

Scarring

Excess bleeding

Blood clots

Nerve damage

Fluid buildup

Separation at incision site

Abnormal scarring

Complications of anesthesia, such as respiratory issues during your procedure

Scarring that prevents natural movement

Death

We all know why its important to love yourself and we also know how hard it is to love ourselves. Like every human we all have insecurities and instead of trying to 'fix' or change the way we look we can instead embrace and love ourselves.

[peggy-sue-reads-a-book]

TW: weight issues/body images

The rise in pro-ED content/subcultures across social media is bothering me and as a millennial user, I’ve got some stuff to say because it’s a resurgence from my own teenage years.

In 2014 I was very sad. My friends were sad and come to think of it, I’m still sad. I do not currently have an ED, but I’m going to tell you how rapid, unhealthy weight loss feels. If this isn’t for you, stop reading.

Brittle nails and limp hair can indicate malnutrition pretty early. It’s sad to see this happen to yourself.

Your blood pressure becomes low. This causes dizziness, faintness, and fatigue which makes it hard to do stuff and have fun, including exercise.

Serotonin is produced in your gut. The hungries make you so so sad.

Your immune system suffers when you are malnourished. You will get sick, I mean it.

Natalie Portman is just as attractive within the weight range appropriate to her body as when she portrayed Nina Sayers. Black Swan is a tragedy.

It is normal to have a hormonal shift around 19 or twenty that causes weight gain. You didn’t do anything wrong.

Your tum uses carbs to sleep and protein to wake up. I literally do not care what size you are, i am telling you to have a breakfast and a snack before bed.

Your dance teacher needs to calm down

You deserve to eat the food you have access to.

Fat regulates your estrogen. You need it.

Your mom’s habits might be good for her but adolescent, childbearing, and older bodies all have different dietary needs. It isn’t shameful to eat when she is not eating.

It is not shameful to eat in front of men

It is not shameful to interrupt this program to say that you are hungry.

It is not “cute” or “ironic” to like eating if you are skinny.

It’s not shameful to like eating if you are plus-sized

It is not a problem if you enjoy eating and cooking more than you enjoy a certain image or clothing size.

I just really think you should have a sandwich if you’d like one. Fuck it, man.

I understand the appeal of these subcultures. I like Black Swan. Girl Interrupted is a really good movie. I like Lana, I like Sylvia Plath. I get why you might feel seen and represented by these kinds of media. When you are suffering from illness and addiction of any form, it is natural to seek space to express and vent about it.

I even understand why the ED itself is self expression. But you don’t need that shit. I’m serious. Block certain tags if you find yourself drawn to media you know isn’t right for you. Healthy spaces exist for you to feel mirrored and understood. You can find them. You can do it.

And oh my god, Lana del Rey is an adult woman with a weight gain pattern, as she should be.

I do not want you to be sick or hungry. I don’t. Please do not wish away your healthy body. You deserve contentment with your normal shape even when it’s a hard fight.

[i-cant-sing]

An Accident

Yeah... you may have seen this before, earlier this week when I accidentally posted it. Anyways, this is a part 2 of the Todoroki clan being obsessed with reader's hair. So, um enjoy.

Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

Yandere Todoroki Clan:

Rei is obsessed with reader’s hair.

She’s taken such good care of it, and after years of hard work, your hair now reaches just around your butt. Your hair is healthy, thick, luscious, and cut into a smooth, U shape; of course all trims are done by Rei herself because she doesn't even trust professionals. And even though you’ve asked Rei on multiple occasions to cut it short, at least up to the middle of your back, she just wouldn’t, always saying that you’re being unreasonable. But you’re not; you’ve given her multiple valid reasons.

For example, Rei and Fuyumi do your hair themselves. And initially, they would let you choose whatever hairstyle you wanted, but now they pick one for you, saying they know which one will suit your outfit of the day better. Rei likes to do double buns, or ponytails tied with ribbons or just one high pony with a pretty big bow on the top of your head. Fuyumi on the other hand makes super intricate hairstyles, and while they look pretty, only you know how much pain your scalp is in. Fuyumi does your hair as if you’re her doll, yanking and twisting hard, saying that she needs to be this rough to achieve the distinctive braid patterns. Thankfully, Rei usually does your hair most of the time.

One of the main reasons you've begged Rei to let you cut your hair short is how much time she (and you) would safe. Since your hair is so long, it takes a lot of time for Rei to put in hair masks, serums, oils, etc. It takes even longer to wash and dry them out, and then style them as well. But she smiled oh so kindly, and told you that she doesn't mind. She looks forward to taking care of your hair, forcing you to sit between her legs for hours as she applies some expensive magic growth oil, ignoring how you didn't like this.

And even if your hair is curly naturally, like even 4C curly hair, Rei will have it straight as a stick in no time (don't bother telling her that you like it natural). But don't worry, its still quite voluminous.

Of course, Rei washes your hair herself, telling you that you’re simply not capable enough to manage it. (At least she lets you wash your body yourself.) And due to your hair being so long, it takes time to not only wash it, but also dry it. Rei will detangle using a wide tooth comb, starting from the bottom and working her way up. Then she’ll dry it with her cold breath, and if required, call Enji to dry your hair with his heat. You like it when Enji dries your hair, because he does it quickly and your hair becomes far smoother.

And its not just Rei and Fuyumi that are obsessed with your hair, the boys are just as fond of it as well. Enji likes to card his fingers through your hair while he’s working on some papers or listening to news, his warm hands always putting you to sleep in his lap. Its an adorable sight, gives him a sense of peace.

Shotou also likes to run his hands through your long hair, especially after a stressful day. The feeling of his fingers through your smooth, long locks, it calms him. And if he’s feeling extra stressed, then he might braid your hair loosely as well. He always wears a scrunchie on his wrist for you.

You wouldn't ever admit it, but you enjoy it when Natsuo played with your hair. Its like he can sense when you're having a headache. He'll have you sit on the floor while he takes a seat on your bed, and then his fingers will do their magic. He knows exactly where to put pressure on your scalp, and exactly how much force to use. His massages always relieve your migraines, and he always massages with expertise to ensure their is proper blood flow in your scalp.

While you are more than happy to let Natsuo touch your hair, you hate it when Dabi's around. If you didn't know better, you'd think he wants to rip your scalp off. He knows how much it annoys you, always pulling at your ponytails, tugging at your braids, even yanking it a few times when you ignore him. And you've complained to your family, but all of them say that "oh he's just playing around." Or "no, he just misses you. He's only teasing." And when you ask Dabi to stop it, he'll just smile and say "big brother privileges."

He's insufferable.

Everyone gets to play with your hair, but God forbid if you do. Oh no, apparently you'd "destroy it", as if you're not capable of managing your own hair. You're not allowed to open your ponytails because, quoting Rei, "you're yanking your hair. You're going to rip your follicles- baby, stop. Just let me do it." But you know that she does that because she wants to brush your hair with the soft, bristle brush before you go to bed. And somedays, Rei doesn't tie your hair in a bun or something, letting your hair fall, and it gets in your way, and even then you're still not allowed to put it up because "oh honey, your hair needs to breathe too. If you keep it in a pony, the band will leave a mark in it." Honestly, everyone finds it adorable when you're dressed in your little, fluffy skirt paired with a cozy oversized sweater, all mad and pouting, trying to blow the hair strands blocking your field of vision. Like a little baby.

While Rei looks at your hair and sees years of her hards work and patience, all you see is losing control over your own life. And you are. They decide everything for you, from the clothes you wear, the food you eat, and even things you should like and dislike. They choose when you should go out, what you should watch, when its time for bed. They disregard your opinions and feelings, and if you show that you're frustrated, then its means that you're just throwing a "tantrum", and you need to be put to bed like some cranky child. You've told them that they're too overbearing, but they always say that they just love you.

What kind of love is controlling?

They're so lost in their delusions, that they don't even see the deteriorating effects it has on you mentally.

Actually, one person did see them. Dabi.

He saw how much everything was overwhelming you, how you were near tears when they talked over you, made choices for you.

He felt a bit bad for you, just a tad. Mostly, he felt there was another opportunity to mess with you.

When Dabi came to bother you one night, tugging at your hair again, this time a bit harder than usual, he saw you were ready to cry. You didn't even bother saying anything to him anymore, just kept quiet and did your best not to cry. Of course, now he ridiculed you. Called you a little crybaby and used that annoying patronising tone with you. And just as he was about to leave, he said "if your hair bothers you so much, why don't you just cut it, you big baby?"

As if something had finally snapped in you, you let his words echo. Why don't I cut it? What's stopping me?

Was it because you had learned to just give in?

You didn't even realise you had walked to your bathroom until you were holding a pair of scissors. Which surprised you, because you weren't allowed to use scissors unsupervised. It was almost as if a sign from the universe motivating you to do it, and definitely not Dabi who left them on the sink.

Holding the pair of scissors in one hand and a chunk of your hair in the other, you hesitate for a second and wonder what will Rei do. But before you could stop yourself, you cut.

I'll cross that bridge when it comes.

You start low, maybe 2 inches above your hips. It looks okay, but maybe you could cut a little more. And a little more. And a little more. Before you know it, your hair is around shoulder length, in an uneven, chunky bob. Its not perfect, but somehow you feel much better. Like you’ve finally gotten some control back. Wiping your tears away, you ruffle your hair a bit, the cool air on your neck adding to the feeling of freedom. You feel normal, happier, peaceful. Things you haven't felt in years. And all because you had 3 am meltdown.

After you cleaned up the bathroom, you went back to bed, anxious how everyone will react in the morning. Maybe they won't care. You thought. Its only hair. My hair.

Everyone was waiting for you at breakfast the next morning, and to everyone’s surprise, Dabi had joined them as well. Rei was cooking up some eggs, while the kids chatted. Enji was suspicious of the mischievous glint in Dabi’s eyes, and it was filling him with unease. Just as he was about to question him, you walked in.

Everyone went silent.

Then Fuyumi let out an audible gasp, while Dabi chuckled darkly. Natsuo, Shotou and Enji looked at you with their mouths agape.

“Good morning.”you greeted them.

Rei, who was facing away from you, finally turned towards you. “Good mo-”Rei’s breath hitched, eyes blown wide, as the plate of bacon fell from her hands.

Its funny how everyone in the kitchen, including you, had the same thought at that moment.

What the fuck?

Taking a deep breath, you moved to sit in your usual spot between Fuyumi and Rei, but Shotou suddenly pulled you back and pushed you into the seat beside him. He knows his mother is in a better state mentally, but something tells him not to risk it. Fuyumi snapped next, quickly getting up and cleaning the mess on the floor while Enji pulled Rei, who was still staring at you in disbelief, to sit beside him. You remained indifferent to everyone’s stares, quietly eating your food. As soon as you were done, Shotou got up and quickly pulled you out of the room, Dabi following close behind.

They sat in your room as Shotou looked at your hair with worry. “Looking nice, doll.”Dabi chuckled as he plopped down on your bed beside you. “Thanks.” you mumbled. “Y/n how did- why did you- why did you cut your hair?” Shotou asked, still looking at your choppy hair. “Do you not like it?” you asked. “N-no I do. But what will mom say-” “Shotou, its my hair.” you snapped. “Yeah, Shotou.” Dabi mocked. Fuyumi and Natsuo soon joined you guys, worrisome looks on their faces. “Why did you cut it? Oh my god, do you even know how much trouble you’re in?” Fuyumi was freaking out. “Its my hair.” you rolled your eyes. They ignored you. “Okay, okay. Shotou why don't you stick around with Y/n for a couple of days? Fuyumi and dad will try to keep mom away from her.” Before Fuyumi could nod, you stood up. “No.”

Natsuo looked at you confused. “what do you mean “no”?”

“I mean no. I don't need Shotou to babysit me. I can handle myself.” Fuyumi walked towards you, reaching her hands for you but you backed away, “Y/n, sweetie-” You cut her off ,“Stop treating me like a child.”

Shotou spoke this time, “Its for your protection-” “Protection from who? Our mother? Why?”your words dared them to say the truth. To agree that Rei was unstable. They didn't say anything.

A few days had passed by and things were returning to normal. Almost normal. Rei still had this thousand yard stare when she looked at you, but she never said anything. Cutting your hair was the best decision you had made, because not is it only easy to manage, but it also got the family off your back. Rei doesn't wash your hair anymore(although you think she's just not over the shock), Fuyumi doesn't need to do your hair, they dry faster, and all of your brothers (including Dabi) doesn't mess around with them anymore. Enji was the first to adjust to your new cut, he even complimented you one day.

Did you feel guilty because you know how attached Rei was to your hair? A bit, but then realised that you needed this. You need some control over your life, and if this is how they react to your new cut, then maybe you could start taking back reigns over other aspects of your life as well.

You thought that maybe Rei had finally gotten over it a week later, when you were laying in the bathtub, enjoying the hot bath. When you heard her walk in, you were a bit startled. Why was she here- is she finally over it? "Um- hey." She smiled at you. "Why are you here?" She took the bath stool and sat behind the tub. "You know why." She replied and started rolling her sleeves up. Is she here to wash my hair? "Oh, are you here to wash my hair? I don't need help with that anymore now that they're short." Rei smiled again, this one looking forced, before dipping her hand in the tub. "No, silly." And with that, Rei froze the entire the tub in 2 seconds. The ice trapped your limbs, and reached up to your clavicle. The sudden change from hot to cold had you jolt, but you couldn't move due to the frozen ice. "Mom-!" You heard the buzzing sound of a trimmer and then felt Rei entangle her fingers in your hair to yank your head back. "I'm here to complete your haircut." You tried moving your head but her grip on your scalp was unrelenting. She started trimming the right side of your head, moving it slowly as to get every single hair. "Honestly, you should've come to me. I do agree that it'd be a good idea to start again." Tears fell from your eyes, your teeth chattered and you could feel your heart beat slow down as the cold seeped into your bones. "M-mom, I'm col-d. P-please s-stop..." Rei was done with one half of your head. "You know, I read somewhere that your grows thicker if you cut it. I'm sure that after I've shaved your head, your hair will grow even fuller. I've already gotten some new oils and hair masks! Maybe we could do them together." You couldn't hear anything besides the slowing of your own heart beating. Your breath had started to become shallow, you couldn't think about anything except for how painful ice could be. Your lips were turning blue, eyes were getting clouded with black spots, all sensation from your body was losing. Just before you lost consciousness, you heard the bathroom door open and a panicked yell.

You felt warm.

When you came to, your entire body felt warm and weighted, probably due to the heavy blanket spread on you.

Opening your eyes, you found yourself in a dimly lit room. It was...your parents room. Why am I here? You turned your head to look around but your eyes stopped at the large figure sitting on a chair next to your bed.

"Dad?"

The figure's head snapped towards yours. "You're awake." He paused. "How- how are you feeling?" You moved the blanket off you, your body felt dense and ached. "Warm and...sore. What happened? Why am I in your bedroom?" Enji shifted in his seat. "I think its best if you stay here from now on, so that... your mother and I can look after you." Your eyes widened. "What? Why?" You moved to sit up but then a pain shot through your head. "Ah shit." You hissed in pain as you went to massage your temples but your hands halted at the feeling of your hair... or lack there of. You tried to run a finger through your choppy bob cut, but all you felt was your shaved head. Your eyes met Enji's, looking at him in disbelief as you recalled the events that had led up to this. "Darling-" You jumped off the bed and ran towards the vanity mirror, praying that this is just a nightmare. But as you looked at your reflection, you realised that this was the terrifying reality you were living in.

Tears dripped from your eyes as you took in your appearance. Trimmed- no, shaved pink hair. You couldn't see a single bit of hair above the roots, only a baby pink scalp. She had not only trimmed your hair first but then also proceeded to shave your scalp off. Your head looked like it had peach fuzz.

You couldn't bring yourself to look away, not even when Enji placed a hand on your shoulder. "Y/n-" He didn't even what to say. He was still in shock from what would've happened if Fuyumi hadn't yelled for him when Rei was-

Enji shook his head. Now's not the time. You're here and you're fine. You're fine. Enji pulled you towards him, burying your face in his chest as you cried. "You're fine." He repeated, more to himself than to you. "Why- why would she do this?" Your voice was muffled by his chest but he understood. He understood your pain and it tore him apart that he still wouldn't be able to help you.

Enji honestly didn't know what to tell you. He didn't know what words would bring you comfort. "It... it was an accident." His chest rumbled as he spoke. You pushed yourself away from him as you looked at him perplexed.

"What?" Your eyebrows raised, nostrils flared and blood rushed to your face. You were going to blow up.

"An accident? Is that what you said? Oh okay. Was it an accident when she froze the fucking tub? Did the trimmer accidentally fall from her hands to my head?! Oh and did she accidentally pull the razor over my head?!" Angry tears fell from your eyes but you were far too enraged to care.

Enji opened his mouth to say something but he was cut off by the sound of the bedroom door opening. Turning around you saw her.

Rei was standing there with a tray of food and water. Her face turned to shock before turning to happiness. She set the tray on a nearby table before she rushed towards you, her hands reaching for your face.

"Angel, you're awake-" you pushed her hands away roughly as you backed away from her.

"Dont you dare touch me."

The couple, they had never heard your voice such hostility. It wasn't like you. Rei shook her head as she tried to reach for you again, taking another step in your direction. But you smacked her hands away again. "I said don't touch me!" Your yelling had got your siblings to rush in the room, wanting to see what the commotion was about.

Rei's eyes shifted from you to Enji, looking at him for help, before they returned back to you. She took a deep breath before speaking. "Y/n, darling. What's wrong?" You scoffed at her soft tone that tried to quell the storm of negative emotions bubbling inside you. "What's wrong? What's wrong? I don't know, you tell me, Rei. Why the fuck am I bald?!" Your head was pounding with rage, raw unbridled anger.

When Rei didn't say anything, Fuyumi stepped forward to help her out. "Y/n its-"

"Shut up."

Fuyumi's- everyone's eyes widened. Of everyone, you never even rose your voice at your favourite sibling. But to hear your voice turn so cold towards her, it shocked everyone. "Y-Y/n-" she tried again but you cut her off. "I said shut up. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Rei and she'll answer for herself."

Enji placed a hand on your shoulder, pulling you back slightly. "Have some respect. She's your mother-" You yanked your shoulder away from his grip. "No, she's not!" You inhaled deeply, trying to stabilise your voice. "No, she's not. You're not my dad. I'm not a part of this family. And I'm so sick of playing this game."

Dabi's eyes narrowed. "Stop being an ungrateful brat. You've been given all the luxuries one could only imagine, spoiled to no end-" You laughed. "Did I ask for anything?" "You never had t-" "And all these luxuries that you're talking about, I didn't get them for free. I had to give up a lot. No, wait-" you laughed again, tears blurring your vision. "I didn't give up anything. You all took it. Yeah, all of you snatched everything away from me. My family, my friends, my privacy, my sanity, everything. And you-" you moved towards Rei, pointing a finger at her. "You have been the most greedy one of them all."

Rei's jaw fell open, as she shook her head. "No-" You shook your head.

"Yes! I gave you everything. I let you dress me up in those god awful clothes, feed me whatever you wanted, stick to your side like glue because you don't like it when I was out of your sight for a more than a few minutes. For fucks sake, I didn't even go to college this year because you weren't ready to see me become an adult!" You ran a frustrated hand through your hair. "I played into your sick little fantasy. I let you treat me like a child, talk to me like I'm some helpless baby. I let you touch me even though it disgusted me to no end. I never even complained when you gave me ice burns because I was throwing a tantrum." You looked at the rest of your family, and they were shocked to hear that last bit. You smiled cruelly at them. "Yeah, you didn't know that did you?"

Rei was crying herself by now, as she reached out for you once again but you moved away. "I let you have everything. All I wanted was this little bit of freedom, for my own sanity. But you couldn't stomach that could you?" Your head hung low, your tears hitting the floor.

"Why do you have to be so selfish?"

Your voice held so much pain and defeat. Rei couldn't help but engulf you in her arms, wrapping herself around you tightly before you could even protest. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" She cried out. "I- I promise I'll fix this! Yes. I-I've already gotten you some new hair oils! They say that they'll help you grow 6 inches in a month! Oh and Natsuo also brought some stuff for hair growth! Some vitamins and- Natsuo whats that spray called? Minoxy? Mi-minoxidil! Yes! He said that'll help you grow your hair in no time! Doesn't that sound nice? You'll have long hair like before!" Rei pushed back to look at you. You couldn't believe it.

"Are you- are you really that delusional?" Your voice was so soft, almost like you would break any moment now. "Are you so blind to see what you're doing to me?" Your eyes held so much pain and confusion. "Sweetie, don't worry- mommy will take such good care-" You pushed Rei away from you, your anger rolling back in full speed. "YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER!" You shrieked. "Y/n-" Shotou tried to interject. "I'm not a part of your fucking family."

Enji stepped towards you. "Calm down."

You looked at him. "You said that what happened was an accident. What will you do if another one happens? And you're not around this time to save me? Hmm? What will you do? Continue playing house with my dead body?!"

Rei's sobs shook her body. "Shut up. Think before you say stupid shit like that." Dabi spoke this time, moving to stand between you and his mother. "Or what? You're going to hurt me? More the reason why all of you, but especially you-" you pointed at Rei "deserve to be in that nuthouse-!"

You were on the floor before you could even process what had happened. Had you- had you fallen? But when the searing pain of the burn on your cheek came alive and you looked at his hand that had erupted in blue flames, you realised what had happened.

Dabi slapped you.

"Y/n!"

Your cheek felt like someone had placed a hot iron on it, the sting spreading to your entire cheek, but you were far too shocked to care about the pain.

Dabi slapped me.

Shotou, Natsuo and Fuyumi quickly rushed to your side, picking you up and out of the room, while Dabi stood there in stunned as his own hand throbbed. The image of his handprint branded on your scared face wasn't going to leave his mind anytime soon.

Enji hesitated, looking at his wife and son in disbelief, before leaving the room to look for you.

Rei walked towards Dabi and smacked his arm. "What did you do?!" She yelled at him. He opened his mouth to explain but nothing came out.

"She's your little sister, Touya! W-why would you do that?!" Rei scolded him.

He hurt you. Like Enji hurt Rei.

He hurt you.

Rei sighed before closing her eyes and engulfing Dabi in her arms. "Its okay. Its not your fault." She rubbed his back soothingly. "It was an accident, wasn't it?"

Dabi wrapped his arms around his mother, burying his face in her neck, before nodding.

"Yes. It was an accident."

So... how was it?

[oneshotnewbie]

Loves the story about being Amelia younger sister. Can this came to my mind could you pretty please make this a reality lol. So the reader is Amelia and dereks younger sister ( obviously lol) and she gets sick. But she doesn’t want them to know because they will overreact. So without her telling them that she is sick she ends up getting worse and ends up in the hospital, just for Amelia and Derek to find out . Does that make sense. This came to me late at night lol. Thank you:)

For a few days your well being in your body had been lost. From an initial exhaustion and fatigue, for which you had perceived stress as the main cause to slightly stinging in the chest and body aches that you only stamped as tiredness of the last week, there was a lot going at university; lectures until late in the evening, answering 80 quiz questions daily on top of your homework so that you don't forget what you have learned and the tests you had to write in what felt like every subject you could possibly have.

It was almost midnight when you started to finish up your work. You were the only one in this house, at least you thought so, who was still awake to do things that had no time to be postponed.

"You look pale," did you hear your sisters voice and startled for a second out of shock before you looked at the clock for the 10th time this minute and slowly began to collect the papers and pens from the brown coffee table."Is everything okay?"

You just nodded a 'yes', not even bothering to talk out of feeling sick, and got up from your chair to pile up the papers in the back of the table when a wave of dizziness caught up with you and you used your hands to support yourself. "Just totally stressed." you mumbled as you felt a worrying glance and a hand on your back.

Slowly your vision returned to normal, you picked up your things into your arms and turned to Amelia who was standing right behind you. With an attempted smile, you squeezed past her and walked up the stairs. "I'm good."

Before you went to bed, you stole a pill from the bathroom cabinet and disappeared. -It is just a little cold- you thought.

---

"Y/N Shepard, 22 years young." the paramedic called as soon as the doors were opened from the ambulance and he pulled out the stretcher and got out himself. "According to first responders, she passed out while she was about to order a coffee.. Mild sinus tachycardia, blood pressure is low. Temperature is 102,38°F"

You became conscious before the ambulance arrived, but the people around you didn't agree to let you go and wanted to have you examined and now you were here, the attempt to escape from the mess was unsuccessful.

A little confused, you looked around and saw the faces of Owen and Meredith. Almost immediately, before the blonde could even say something, you cut her out. "Don't tell Amy and Derek."

She stroked your hair and looked at you confused and worried. She didn't understood why you wanted to keep your ambulance arrival a secret from your siblings. Even if she had a medical confidentiality obligation towards her patients, she had to tell her sister in law and husband. They were your family.

She nodded to Owen and he understood immediately that he should beep both of them on their pagers. As soon as he disappeared, Meredith pushed you into one of the examination rooms and started to look you up and down.

"Why don't you want the two of them to know?" she asked cautiously while placing some adhesive stickers on your chest and hanging you on a machine. "You know exactly how they are as soon as I am sick. Overprotective - and that is annoying. I am not a little kid anymore."

She stopped moving and looked at you. Her hands found their way onto your shoulder and squeezed them once just before she sat down in front of you and looked deep into your eyes. "They are your siblings, Y/N. Be glad that you have someone who cares about you."

She stopped for a short time and looked at your heart rate on the monitor before turning to you a little worried, adapting a blood pressure cuff on your arm, waiting for the results to show up on her chart. "You have cardiac arrhythmia. Have you had a cold lately?"

"No, I've just been pretty tired and exhausted. I also had a slight sting in my chest once in a while but thought it came from my stomach; I haven't been eating particularly well lately."

---

"What were you thinking by not telling us that you are not feeling well? You don't have three doctors at your home around the clock for nothing!" said Derek a little louder, his face flashed red like a tomato.

When he got the news, he immediately ran down to the emergency room, fearing the worst. He was pissed of when he saw you lying there and he was even angrier when he had to hear every information from Meredith that she had found out and what she suspected. "And that's exactly why I didn't want you to know. You always overdo it!"

"Y/N, heart muscle inflammation is not a joke! If you had carried off the crap and hadn't passed out in the cafe, it could all have been worse than just a few needle sticks and a comfortable hospital bed!" he shouted in disbelief as his hands clenched into a fist and the knuckles were already turning white at the strength of his nervousness which he underpinned by pacing back and forth in front of your bed.

He didn't understand how you wanted to become a doctor but couldn't listen to your own body. It was impossible for him to understand how you could let it get this far. Derek asked for an answer, but you didn't feel like arguing with him anymore so you just stood silent; you were too tired and exhausted to continue this discussion.

You knew it was a fatal mistake, but you couldn't change and jump back in time either.

Just before Derek wanted to let his anger run free again, Amelia, who had previously been quiet, had stood in front of him and gave him an urgent look and some slight knocks on his now crossed arms. "You go now and calm down. The shouting doesn't help anyone here and I don't think the whole hospital has to know our family issues." he bit his lip and looked between you and your sister before he disappeared, but not without slamming the door behind him.

Startled, you let yourself fall back on the pillow, put your arm over your forehead and closed your eyes. You knew you messed up big time. "I'm sorry, Amelia."

"You should have told us, then you might not be here and have to stay for observation." she said calmly, unlike your brother and started moving towards the side of your bed where Amelia sat down on the chair that was already standing next to it and gently stroked the back of your head.

Amelia understood why you hadn't said anything, she had gone through the same with him too. But on the other hand, she could understand Derek. It also hurt her that you hadn't mentioned anything and that you didn't let her help you. "From now on, no more secrets, understand? I don't want to have this horrible feeling in my stomach when I get a message like that ever again. When you are in pain then let one of us know, regardless of whether you think it is a cramped muscle or not."

"You are so over caring." you said annoyed and rolled your eyes.

You knew it was in their nature to react like that, but as a young adult you couldn't understand that exactly this small gesture showed how important you were to a person. You just found it annoying.

"At some point in your life, you will think back to that moment and judge it completely different. Maybe we are far too caring now, later you will perhaps be grateful to us for it and understand why we do this." she sighed.

"We do this because we love you and we don't ever want to lose you."

[alreadyblondenow]

Jaehyun’s Body | Jung Jaehyun

▸ Jaehyun x reader ▸ Smut, Smut, Smut, Fluff, Angst, Demon Jaehyun, Prostitute reader ▸ HALLOWEEN SERIES: 127 HOUSE ▸ 5/5 for NEOHALLOWEEN writing festival hosted by @nct-writers​

Summary: Jaehyun is a demon who uses girls to make him stay handsome. He eats girls… literally. Then he met you and he can’t eat you because he’s in love with you.

Word count: 7K

Warnings: Sex, sex, sex, a lot of killings, mentions of killings, Blood, lots and lots of blood, killings again, then another killings, eating of human flesh, filthy (I’m telling you), all kinds of sex, swearing, abduction, mentions of eating children but he stopped don’t worry, pregnancy, murder, attempted murder, suicide (?), prostitution, mentions of sex club, depression, mentions of therapy, mentions of cheating

A/N: Pure fiction, we all know that Jaehyun doesn’t need girls to make him handsome. I made this filthier than ever because it’s my last fic for 127 House. I made a timestamp for this as a bonus preview so if you already read it, yay. Inspired by the movie Jennifer’s Body and Pretty Woman. I changed the ending last minute I hope you wont hate me. Also, I’m sure a lot of you want to read more Jaehyun eating girls, literally, in action. So I will just make another timestamp for that in the next few days. 

Taglist: For the last time, if I happen to forget you I’m so sorry :( @chocolattees @floweringtheflowers @huangxx @bumblebeenct @neosculptures @kooksfairyfloss @jaehyunoos @soothingjae @plump-peach @neospirited @jeongyoonohs @shanghai-lu @seriousballoon @sunshinedhyuck  @the-universe-in-you-jjh  @mira-winterlight @generantionct @mal-nakamoto23 @svteencarat​ @johnjaespeach​ @jinsonaz​ @hyuckshoe69 

Halloween present time 

“Mom, can you tell me the story about the monster who eats humans just so he can look like one too?” your nine-year-old daughter snuggles beside you on a Halloween night, tired from trick or treating and already sleepy.  

“Just because it’s Halloween” you boop her nose and kept her close to you, stroking her head and making her comfortable. 

“Once upon a time, there were five teenagers who want to make a deal with the devil. The clueless teenagers did not know that what they were doing was wrong. Meaning, wrong methods, wrong sacrifice. 

Given that they don’t know what they were doing, they singlehandedly or accidentally brought a creature into this world. The bothered creature that was summoned ate the teenagers as the creature was so confused, why was he bothered in his own torture cell in hell? 

It starved for days, lost in a world that’s not familiar to him. He fed himself with every human who crosses paths with him, men, women, and children. Until it finally knew that eating humans can make him look just like them. 

The creature adapted in this world, living like a normal human and walking amongst us, still not knowing how to go home. “

Halloween many many many years ago 

“And that creature is me. Happy Halloween class, enjoy the night” Jaehyun finishes his story in front of his class. Watching every student laugh and shrug his ‘scary’ story for Halloween. They thought he was joking, and that was the fun part Jaehyun thought. 

“See you on our next session Mr. Jung” a flirty young girl waved goodbye to him, smiling like she wanted to get on her knees and suck Jaehyun's cock right then and there. 

“Enjoy Halloween” he winked back at her and proceed to fix his things and leave the classroom. 

It was exactly a decade ago when those stupid teenagers brought him to this world. He didn’t have much of a choice but to live like a normal human to save himself. Feed from their flesh, kill every two weeks and get on with life as if nothing gruesome happened inside his house. 

Jaehyun targets girls, women in their early twenties or older. He stopped eating children only because the effect on him does not stay for long. Whereas, eating older people can last two weeks max. Luring girls was never hard for Jaehyun because he’s naturally handsome, but without human flesh, he returns to the disgusting creature he used to be. 

Tinder is his go-to restaurant. A little swipe right over here, a swipe right over there, and voila! He now has a tasty dinner and for Halloween night, perfect to celebrate his existence here in this world.

As part of his adaptation in this world, he learned how to cook human meals for his victims. Feeding them good food before he eats them. In the middle of cooking in his big kitchen, his doorbell rang assuming that it’s his food that just arrived. He opened his door with a smile, welcoming the young lady inside his beautiful house, smelling her for some time during the hug. Delicious, he thought. 

“Wow. Your house is big” the clueless girl exclaims. It’s always the same, every girl who steps inside his house is always amazed at how beautiful 127 House is. It’s white interior always captures the ladies’ hearts and leave them in awe. 

“I hope you’re hungry. I made dinner for us” he gave the girl a flirty smile, flashing those cute dimples of his that always make the girls smile. 

During dinner, Jaehyun can’t rush his meal and get on with the kill already. He is patient and takes time to know what he’s about to eat. He asks a lot of questions to gain the girl’s trust and fool her that Jaehyun is actually into her. “Do you do drugs?” the most important question for the night. Jaehyun hates eating humans who do drugs because it has a side effect on him as if his body can’t handle the drugs itself that it makes him weak on the spot. So much for being a creature from hell. 

“No, I don’t do drugs. Do you?” the girl answered with wide eyes. 

“No no. I’m clean” he smiled and put his hand on the girl’s thigh. Slowly caressing it until Jaehyun reaches her damped panties. “Can you open your legs for me?” Jaehyun’s irresistible request made the girl open her legs a little wider under the table. Rolling her head side to side as she feels Jaehyun’s cold fingers brushing on her clothed clit. 

It’s time, Jaehyun thought. Dinner is served. 

He pushed the plates away, glasses clinking, utensils started to fall from the table. Jaehyun carried her and put her on the dinner table, kissing her wildly to put the girl in the mood and make her horny. It always works. While he’s busy kissing her, his hands slowly remove her panties and spread her legs a little rough and push her on the dinner table. 

“We really doing this here?” the girl asks. 

“This is the perfect place to eat you” 

The girl smiles and felt excited because a handsome man like Jaehyun is about to eat her pussy. Little did she know, that Jaehyun will quite do it literally. He planted kisses on her inner thighs, making the girl moan and tickle her in the meantime. Jaehyun runs a finger on her slit and make her legs shiver, licking his finger as if he’s having a taste of his dinner. 

“Eat me already” she protests. Jaehyun chuckled low and puts two fingers inside her before he makes a move. 

Jaehyun’s first lick from her pussy makes his head turn and breathe heavily for the girl he’s about to eat tonight tastes delicious. He licks and licks the girl, not listening to her moaning, not minding if she’s calling his name. The way he licked the girl was like he was having ice cream on a hot summer, sucking her arousal and putting pressure on her clit. Unaware of what’s happening to the girl, he didn’t care if she already came and overstimulated. Jaehyun continued licking his dinner even though the girl is pushing him already, but still having the time of her life. 

She then felt Jaehyun bite her clit and made her shout a little too loud that her voice echoed around 127 House. She propped her shoulder and saw Jaehyun’s eyes turned plain black. He smiled at her making the girl shout in horror and shout for her life but Jaehyun’s tongue is making her cum again for the second time tonight, harder than the first one she had. 

And that’s Jaehyun’s cue to eat her. Bit her off. Letting her blood pool around his dinner table. He ate her flesh by flesh, sipping every drop of her blood, chewing all her intestines, licking the flavor off her skin like an animal. He can feel himself glow as he continues to eat her. 

Pouring himself a glass of his favorite wine, he looks at his reflection through the goblet and admires his handsomeness. Skin clearer as ever, eyes without dark circles, firm ass. He smiled to himself as he feels much more alive and young now. Jaehyun went back to the dead body on his table, kissing the girl on the cheek and thanking her for making him handsome.  

That is Jaehyun’s life for the past decade. Murder to survive, eat humans, earn money, and repeat it. No thrill. Even getting caught is no fun for him because he can easily eat the witness. But living in this world full of emotions and Jaehyun is indeed a curious demon, he wanted to try to fall in love. Maybe he wants it because he’s been eating girls who are desperate for love and that’s making him desperate too. You see when he eats humans, he eats their emotions too and in that way, he learned feeling things. Anger, fear, happiness. All kinds. 

Three weeks after Halloween, he found this one of a kind service that he’s very much interested in. Just like every other human who likes their food clean, Jaehyun likes his human clean too. 

We offer house services just contact us and book someone you prefer. We guarantee clean and respectful girls....

Reading the brochure of that sex club who offers special services is like reading a menu in an expensive restaurant. Maybe it’s time to give up Tinder, stop ordering cheap food, and start feeding on expensive ones.

Just in time for his feeding again, the university kept him busy and so he did not have time to eat and settle for human food instead. That’s why he looks awful now. His hair is starting to fall out, his fair skin has acne, dark circles under his eyes, some of his toenails are falling off. He’s becoming weak, and he needs to eat soon.

“Y/n honey, you have a schedule for tonight. A big spender this one.... huh. He paid an overnight promo and even gave you a tip. Wow he’s rich” 

As you listen more of the details from the lady at the front desks, you thanked the man mentally who gave you a generous tip that will go straight to your savings, rent, and water bill. Not that you love this job of yours, but you’re excited to meet the big spender and treat him well just so he can get his money’s worth.

While you were drying your hair, you heard your phone ding and it was from your client whom you look forward to meeting. “I’ll send an uber from your house to mine. See you later” it was a bit cold but usually, your clients will just send you the address and it’s your duty not to be late for the appointment. You smiled because he seems so thoughtful and a real gentleman, you became more excited about meeting him and looking forward to the sex.

When the uber driver dropped you off in front of a big white house, you thought that maybe it was a mistake that your date must have pinned the wrong address. You rang the doorbell just to make things sure. Asking never killed anybody. You wait for someone to open the door to you, biting your lower lip while scanning the outside of the beautiful house. 

“You must be Y/n” the man who opened the door said. Well, that makes things official. You’re in the right place. 

“Yes...uhh, sir Yoonoh?” his weak state is bothering you. He doesn’t look like he can fuck at all.

“Please call me Jaehyun. Yoonoh is my alias. Come in” 

The handsome man welcomes you warmly in his home, taking your coat and putting it in a cabinet near his door. He looks handsome but exhausted, coughing a little as he closes the cabinet door. “Are you okay? You look sick” you blurted out and your first words made the man smile. Different. You’re different. You don’t care how big the house is he thought, the first thing you did is care about him. “I’m fine. The weather has been affecting me lately but, I’m good. I hope you’re hungry, I made early dinner” He gave you a weak smile and coughed again. 

This customer of yours continues to surprise you. First the uber ride and now the early dinner. For the first time in your life, this wretched job doesn’t feel like a job at all. Jaehyun here made you feel like you’re here for a date and not just to fuck the whole night. You follow him to the kitchen to help him get the meals that he prepared for both of you. As much as you’re amazed by his cooking skills, you are more amazed by how he managed to cook a decent meal even though he’s weak. 

Jaehyun started small talk, as usual. Asking you questions before he kills you and making sure you don’t do drugs even though it’s stated clearly that the sex club has clean girls. He made you comfortable the whole dinner time and made sure you enjoy what he cooked for you. 

“What do you do outside this job of yours?” Jaehyun asked, cutting a piece of steak as he waits for your answer. 

“Nothing. I’m lifeless” you joked, “I take care of myself and save as much as I can so I can have a clean start, which reminds me thank you for the generous tip” 

When the air was finally dead, he put his hand on your knee, caress it softly until his hand reaches your upper thigh. You felt his hand shaking like he’s shivering but he’s not telling you. It seems like he’s forcing himself to push through having sex just so his money doesn’t go to waste. But you can’t let him. The man is obviously weak and sick, he will not enjoy the pleasure and his money’s worth. 

To his surprise, you cup his face and shook your head ‘no’. “We don’t have to do this today. We’ll end up being sick together on the next day, want that to happen?” he shook his head to answer your question, “I promise I won't tell the club and I will find a way for you to get what you paid for. The dinner is delicious by the way what herbs did you put here?” 

So much care for someone who kills to survive. He doesn't deserve any of your kindness. The demon is completely moved. When you were the one who initiated the small talk, Jaehyun realized how he loved sharing things that he does. Like how he likes his steak perfectly well done, he likes his alcohol old and cold, even told you that listening to Chet Baker while drinking wine is his favorite thing in the world. Talking too much about himself was never his thing when it comes to talking to his victims. Then he realized maybe you’re not one of them, that maybe for the first time he had a visitor comforting him instead of making him full. 

You were the first person who listened to him. His first friend.

Talking and sharing personal stuff with one of your clients was a big ‘no’ for you. But there’s something about Jaehyun that makes you feel that your secrets are safe with him, even though all you knew about him is his love for music and wine. As the night goes deeper, you two are still talking about random stuff and laughing loudly whenever something funny came up. It was nice. You caught yourself resting your head on his weak shoulders and loved his warmth. Hearing his soft voice near your ear is almost addicting even though he sounded weak. And seeing his smile up close and poking his dimples whenever you want to is a different kind of privilege. The night went on until you fall asleep on his shoulders, unconsciously hugging him like a teddy bear and putting your leg on top of his like you’ve known each other for so long.  

He was thinking deeply if he’s going to eat you or not. You are juicy for his taste, like a turkey on Thanksgiving. He removed some of your hair from your face, patting and caressing your head so he knows you’re in deep sleep. Carefully, he reached for your hand and played with your fingers, smelling it and still thinking it through. He put your pointer finger in his mouth, sucking it like a lollipop and tasting your flavor through your skin. You taste so good that his eyes turned into his demon eyes and his demon tongue is ready to taste more of you. But you smiled through the feeling of his tongue swirling around your finger and came closer to him. Unconsciously and still sleeping soundly.

He remembers how your kindness moved him, and how he felt important for the first time in his whole existence. Jaehyun shook his head and stopped attempting to eat you, wiped your fingers, and intertwined his fingers with yours instead. It’s weird how he’s so hungry but he can’t seem to kill you. 

To survive, Jaehyun went to the nearest bar and lured a hooker whom he killed in the back of his house. It was his first time killing quietly in his premisses, careful not to wake you up. Even though the human that he just ate doesn’t taste good, well, he just had to look presentable in your eyes the next morning.

When you wake up, you almost jumped out of bed because you thought you were in bed with a total stranger but turns out it was just Jaehyun. His skin is glowing under the morning sunlight, his cute snores make you smile, fucking pink lips begging to be kissed or it’s you who’s begging to be kissed… you smiled and brushed his hair away, accidentally waking the handsome man. 

“Morning” he murmured, pulling you for a hug and closing his eyes again but he was smiling. 

Even his breath smell nice, “feeling okay now?” you asked softly, not ruining the peaceful morning and nervously smiling brightly because the butterflies in your tummy won’t stop flapping their wings. 

“Yes. All thanks to you” he opened his eyes and admired your beauty. He can feel his heart thumping. “I think I owe you something” he kissed your lips passionately and pull your body above him making you put both your legs on his sides. He never left your lips as his hands roam on your sides requesting to remove your dress. With one swift move, you’re on top of the handsome man with your matching lacy underwear, bodies grinding on each other, moaning deliciously, and about to have morning sex. “I’ve seen a lot of naked girls before but none of them made me horny like you do” you giggle at what he said, if every client you had is like Jaehyun, you don’t mind staying on this wretched job forever. 

It’s not that Jaehyun is a virgin. This is just his first time having sex without killing the one he’s fucking. Watching you cum above and underneath him without going in for the kill was satisfying and almost addicting. Not to mention that your walls feel amazing around his cock. Warm and tight that he never wants to pull out from you. 

You, on the other hand, is so surprised by how Jaehyun is so great in bed like he was craving sex. Every lustful thrust he gives makes you gasp and it just takes your breath away. The way he held your leg up, fuck you deep that you’re skin to skin, makes you claw his back and grip the sheets so tightly that you hurt your hand. He never slowed down but he was not rough enough, he was making you feel good the whole fucking time that you made sounds you never thought you’re capable of. On top of that, his sweet words are making you feel things. 

After the most amazing sex you both have in your entire life, he can’t let go of you even just for a second. He’s glued to your body while you make him breakfast, “Can I see you more in my clothes?” he whispered behind your ear, hands resting on the side of your waist while he distracts you with his kisses, blowing cold air on your nape to tickle you and make you giggle. 

And when it’s time to go, he was begging you with all his might to stay. “I have to work, Jae” it’s true. And being with Jaehyun made you forget that you’re here for work, he completely changed that. If it wasn’t for your work you will give in and stay. 

“Okay, okay. I understand. Have dinner with me this weekend? I’ll cook for you again, I’ll make it up to you” to be honest, he was afraid you might not come back here.

“Mhmm. I’d love to” you left a soft kiss on his cheek and opened his door. You are the first person who steps inside his house that comes out alive and well. 

As you leave Jaehyun in his house, he was quick to call the sex club again and book you for tonight. The service was really expensive but as he talks to the person in charge of your schedule, you were worth every dime of his hard earned money from the university.

Happy about how your schedule with Jaehyun went, and happy that you met him, your friend from the front desks informed you of your new client for tonight and you screamed because of too much happiness when he used his real name to book you.

When you got home to prepare for yet another night with Jaehyun, you’ve never been so excited about meeting a client for the second time around. Thinking about how his lips travel in between the valley of your boobs the other night, that sweet handsome smile whenever he catches you looking at him, the way he makes your heart flutter during breakfast with his sweet words. This is definitely a good start to give love a chance and you’re stupid if you let something like this slip from your hands.

When the most awaited time finally came, Jaehyun was over the moon and blushing like crazy when he saw you again at his doorstep. This time, it’s not food he sees but a woman who will love him and will change his life. And if you used to smell so tasty and delicious for Jaehyun well now, you smell like love and new beginnings for him. You were the epitome of change, stepping into his house and in his whole life. 

Your second night together was a hundred times better than the first even if it’s storming like crazy outside. It’s like going on an indoor date with Jaehyun, eating a delicious dinner, and drinking good wine together. Rather than having sex the whole evening, you and Jaehyun spend the night cuddling on his huge couch. Talking about life under a cozy blanket that he owns, creating your own special warmth.

“What if you became broke because of me?” you asked and snuggled closely. 

“Hmm. Well, then I just have to work more. Get five jobs” he joked but he sounded serious. 

“My job will be a great problem if we continue this. I don’t want to hurt you-“ 

“Hey, no one is hurting anyone. I respect your line of work and I understand the reason why you’re doing it. Until then I just have to wait for you just like the other guys. I have long patience, it’s not a problem” Jaehyun says and boops your nose.

And that is the start of your new life with Jaehyun. Your life is all about him and he is all about you. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months. Jaehyun is still in love with the same woman who rang his doorbell and cared for him for the first time in his life. After a few months of looking for a job that does not include having sex with different men, you finally left the club and go home to Jaehyun every day. 

Peaceful and quiet mornings are now replaced by Jaehyun’s disturbing kisses while you make him coffee. Leaving each other for work during the morning has been your daily struggle. But the promise of seeing each other at the end of the day is something so hard but worth it in the end.

Slowly, you changed each other’s lives. Loving each other deeply more and more, trying new things together, and loving life even when it’s incredibly tough sometimes. It was more than just flirting with each other, going on dates, and having a lot of sex.  

Saying that he’s in love with you and showing it every day is still not enough for Jaehyun to prove you his love. He loves you so much that for the first time in his life he doesn’t want to go back to where he came from anymore. He wants to stay here with you. Live happily, marry you someday, have kids, and be with you until your dying breath. 

“Why do you want so many kids?” you asked, drawing small circles on his toned chest while his right arm is securely wrapped around you.

“Kids are great especially when we are the ones who made them. Don’t you think?” He reached for your lips and kissed you. 

“Promise me you’ll be a great dad. And you will never leave me or- or our future children alone. You’re a great man Jaehyun and my heart will break in a million pieces if you hurt me too like my dad” you were so full of emotions. You remember how your father left you and your family and it made your mother suffer. Jaehyun was quiet and he listened to you. Your feelings were so important to him so he did not dare interrupt and waited for you to finish. 

“We will be happy, I promise. Watch me love you every day and fulfill all my promises to you”

The problem is... he can't tell you the truth about himself. Jaehyun is scared to the bone that you might not accept him. The truth about him is never easy to accept and he doesn’t want to give you that burden. Having a demon eating humans to survive is something unacceptable even when love is already involved. But he has faith in you. Someday, maybe he will be brave enough to tell you. But not now. 

Dating you made his feeding a little hard because it’s basically cheating. He loves you so much that he despises being a demon and eating humans just to stay alive. Sometimes, he starves himself that he trie so hard to live on raw meat but it only lasts a few hours and it frustrates him greatly. He doesn’t want to meet other girls anymore and pretend that he’s interested in them, he wanted so bad to stop using Tinder. But he can’t. You don’t deserve a demon like him but he loves you and he’s sorry. 

Even though you don’t know anything about Jaehyun’s real being, he never hurt you like one of your exes and he’s much a greater man than all of those jerks combined. He is the only man you see your future with, growing old together, having coffee on your porch, racking your chairs, and hopefully die together. Your heart can’t take it if Jaehyun dies before you. That’s how much you love him. 

Four years ago

After a tiring day at the office, you’re so thankful that your house is quiet and peaceful, away from the noise of the city. You went straight to the bathroom, prepared the tub, and treat yourself to a nice warm bath with a glass of wine on the side. 

“Y/n, you home?” Jaehyun put his keys on the table next to the entrance and removed his coat. He just came back from burying the bones of the three girls he just ate at the back of 127 House. Tricked them into having a foursome but even before they could remove their clothes, Jaehyun killed them already and ate them all until their bones are clean and easy to bury.

“In here” you shout while you put more bubbles in the tub. Jaehyun soon appeared and leaned on the bathroom door. “I just got home from work baby, hows the university?” you invited him inside and he greets you with a kiss on the cheek and proceeds to strip in front of you. For a university teacher, your boyfriend sure does look so hot. 

“Nothing special. Students flirting with me, then I fail them” he giggles and joins you in the tub. Sitting behind you and pulling you against his strong chest. He plays with your wedding ring and intertwines his fingers with yours. Home is where Jaehyun is. He is the best thing about this house, coming home to him and enjoy this little world. 

It was a silent moment for the two of you but you can hear him thanking you for staying in his life. Jaehyun’s eyes screams ‘i love you’ whenever he’s quiet and smirking liking this. 

“Why are you always like that. You know you can always say it. Three words Jae, I love you. Were married already and you never said it to me-“ 

“But I always show it to you” he giggles and puts bubbles on top of your head and your cheeks, laughing because you look funny. “You will get sick of me if I start telling you those words. That’s why I show you instead. Those are powerful words Y/n, I’m saving it. Trust me, once I told you those words, you will fall in love with me. Again” he winked at you and you rolled your eyes at him. Facing him completely to clean him up.

“Do you fall in love with me over and over again whenever I tell you, I love you?” you asked. Looking in his eyes and brushing your wet lips on his. Touching. But not kissing. You can feel your boyfriend’s heartbeat so fast as you wait for his answer. 

“Every time. Like you just walked into this house for the first time again” he smiled and flashed those cute dimples of his and kissed you down the tub until the water overflows and the candles are one by one dying because of the waters splashing.  

Two years of happily dating through ups and downs. And two years of being happily married and you still don’t know what you did to deserve someone like Jaehyun. He’s beyond perfect. Like someone made him as a character in a book and poof he became real and find his way to you. “I love you” you whisper. And even though you won’t get a response, you know that Jaehyun does love you too. 

One day, your boss made you left work early because he wanted you to go overtime the next day. So you did. You wanted to surprise your husband with his favorite take-out and spend a nice dinner with him. When you arrived in his driveway, you see his car badly parked on his huge lawn. You made your way quietly inside the house and went straight to the kitchen to put the food on the counter. 

You heard continuous thumps upstairs, not quite sure from which room. As you walked towards the stairs, you heard another thump followed by a high pitched moan and, “Jaehyun! Don’t stop!” then another thump. At first, you didn’t want to walk further closer to the room where you believe Jaehyun is fucking someone because you didn’t want to see it. But you are his wife and you have every right to call him out even though it hurts you so much knowing that Jaehyun is capable of cheating. You can’t believe it. 

As you peek at the door from his study room, you watch Jaehyun eat a girl’s pussy on his table. She looked young. Younger than you and maybe that’s why he cheated. The girl is very much overstimulated and can’t stay put so Jaehyun roughly holds her down while keeping her legs open. You watch Jaehyun hold her so harshly and wonder if your husband has always been into rough sex, “ouch!” she says loudly. 

Jaehyun stopped licking her and proceeds to kiss her neck. At this point, you don’t know why you’re still watching your husband cheat when everything is all clear. 

“FUCK!!!!!” 

Hearing the girl scream like that made you stop from shouting and calling your husband a cheater. Because, lo and behold you witnessed your husband murder her. Biting her by the neck and choking her down so her body won't slip off his table. You gasped sharply when you saw Jaehyun ripped her stomach and reach in for her intestines. Covering your mouth with both of your hands as you can’t believe what you were watching. You would rather face the problem of your husband cheating on you, but murder? Devilry? Seeing him became a creature eating a human felt like you’re watching a horror movie and made you think that you don’t know Jaehyun anymore. Or did you ever? 

As you watch him eat her and be scared for your life, you notice that Jaehyun’s face is slowly changing… “This can’t be” you murmured and fainted hitting your head first, making Jaehyun turn around with shock. Jaehyun didn’t know what to do. Usually, he eats the witness too but this time he can’t. Of course, he can’t eat you. 

 Every bit of the truth was too much for you. Even when you know that he is sincere with everything that he says to you about his true being. 

You married a demon. How can Jaehyun expect you to accept this? 

“Well, what did you want me to tell you? ‘I’m a demon and I eat humans to survive?’ I’m telling you now and you won't even look at me” Jaehyun was so frustrated already. It’s been a week since he told you the truth and to be honest he doesn’t know what you want him to do or to hear from him.  

“It hurts me to see you all scared and disgusted to me, baby. I'm not forcing you to be with me and stay- but fuck I’m still Jaehyun. My feelings for you are true and my love for you is undying. Please don’t do this to us and don’t do this to yourself. You can leave, but please think about our years together” he kissed you on your temple and noticed that your grip on the knife is so tight that your hand is already shaking. Tears fall down your cheeks and you don’t know what it's made of. Was it because you’re scared? Heartbroken? Or confused because you don’t know what to do. 

You love him but you’re scared. And that thought alone can make your knees weak and your mind go crazy. 

Since you knew about the truth, your marriage went downhill and the house became cold and unwelcoming. A once fire burning relationship is now cold as ice. You decided to leave Jaehyun even when you made a promise to him. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. 

For you, leaving was a mixture of loneliness, heartbreak, and disappointment. But for Jaehyun, he was lost, miserable, and incomplete. He wanted to starve himself and never eat humans from now on but he still wants to live for you. Hope and wait for you to come back in his life. 

After leaving Jaehyun, you took care of yourself and went to therapy. But a few days after, you found out that you’re pregnant for almost two weeks already and once again you feel cheated in life because you could have had a family of your own and be happy in life. Just how you and Jaehyun planned it to be.   

It’s Halloween tonight and Jaehyun just finished eating. He has no appetite, to be honest, and only ate a pair of arms. Then that’s it. He can’t eat the human further, still weak, and still looked like shit. He’s cleaning the mess he made on the kitchen counter, dumping a half-eaten body in a trash bag, and scrubbing blood off the floor when his doorbell rang and expected trick or treaters. He brought the bowl of candies with him, head towards the door, and opened it with a smile. But his smile was soon gone when he saw you on his doorstep, completely clueless on what to do because he wanted to hug and kiss you but he can’t. 

“I shouldn’t have left you-“ 

Glass and candies shattered on the floor and neither one of you cared. Jaehyun hugged you tightly and apologized over and over again while he showers you with kisses. Smiling so brightly but both of you have heavy tears in your eyes. 

The feeling of entering his house for the first time again after leaving him for only two weeks almost felt like the very first time. “Are you okay? You look sick” you worry for your husband and it made you feel like a shitty wife because you didn’t even consider his feelings. He was struggling too. 

“Welcome home” Jaehyun sobs and pull you inside the house. He kissed you deeply and showed you how much he misses you, lifting you, and bringing you to your shared bedroom with all the strength he has left. 

He removed your clothes and his clothes without leaving your lips which he missed kissing. You kept your eyes closed until you’re ready to open them again because you can’t help but see the demon who’s eating humans to survive. “It’s still me” Jaehyun whispers, kissing your hand and intertwining his fingers with yours. “Nothings changed, baby. I’m still the Jaehyun who paid the sex club just so I can spend time with you” he waits patiently for you to open your eyes, hoping that makeup sex will somehow fix your marriage again. You wrapped your arms around him when you feel him go in between your legs.

Slowly, you open your eyes and breathe in and out. “I’m pregnant” you whisper back, kissing him softly. He did not say anything but you know that Jaehyun is more than happy to hear the news. 

“Is that why you came back? You want us to be a family?” he smiles and you answer with a quick nod. He kisses your neck all the way to your jaw, down to the valley between your boobs, and ends up in front of your pussy. At first, he was hesitating and kept on kissing your inner thighs but you seem eager, you roll hips continuously waiting for Jaehyun to make a move. 

“Oooohh-” you moan out so deliciously, holding Jaehyun’s head in between your legs, raking his hair and tugging his locks every now and then. Before you even cum he stopped eating you out and went back to your lips. He ate you so good that you can taste yourself through his lips. He lines his cock and watches it disappear as he pushes deep inside you. You gasped and breathed heavily, gripping the sheets more when he starts drawing circles on your clit sinfully. He missed how your walls feel around him, biting his lower lip as he doubles his pace and dive in pleasure head first.  

You reached for Jaehyun’s lips when you hit your high and asked him to, “Slow down. I want to savor you” he giggled and followed your request, kissing you more as he slowly fucks you while you enjoy your high and until he catches his own. He noticed there’s tears in your eyes when he pulled out and asked you, “what’s wrong baby? Talk to me” he kept you close to his tired and weak body, covering you both with the thick duvet and enjoying this special warmth. 

“I’m sorry for distancing myself Jae, I’m sorry for leaving you” He can’t forgive himself hearing you apologize to him when it’s his fault your marriage was ruined. Jaehyun told you that he will stop eating humans until he finds an alternative. And to make things lighter, he thought of baby names until you two fall asleep in each other’s arms. 

The plan worked. 

When Jaehyun was in deep sleep, you went downstairs to get a knife. The sharpest one that can slit his throat in one go and bravely go on with your plan on killing your husband. As you placed the sharp knife on Jaehyun’s throat, it was so sharp that he is cut already and it woke him up. 

Jaehyun opened his eyes and see you holding a knife on his throat, tears falling from your eyes, and obviously hesitating if you’re going to do it. Your husband saw your struggle. The deep shit he put you through. You don’t deserve any of this. If being dead can bring you peace in his life and healing, then so be it.

“It’s okay” he calms you down and holds your wrist, gripping the knife with you. His hand feels cold already. “burn the house and don’t let anyone see you leave here so you won't be accused over anything. I love you and I'm sorry” 

It was the first time you heard those three words from Jaehyun and he was right. You remembered how much you love him like waking up in an awful curse but you’re too late. Jaehyun slit his own throat while still holding the knife with you. 

Regret hit you like a train and all you can do is cry over Jaehyun’s dead body. 

The sun is almost up and you can’t be seen leaving 127 House because there are two dead bodies in this house. You kissed Jaehyun’s corpse and removed his wedding ring from his finger. The only thing that will prove he existed in your life.  

You used the gasoline for the barbecue party scheduled before Christmas, sobbed uncontrollably as you think all the memories you had with Jaehyun. His weak smile during the night you first met him, the first time his lips touched yours, all the plans and dreams you both had, how Jaehyun is always full of life when it comes to planning on having a baby… 

But you killed him. And you’re about to burn the house and all the memories it holds like it’s just an unwanted photograph. After lighting the match, you drove away from the house as far as you can crying while you focus on the road and trying to find your way back to your old apartment. 

As the sun goes up and slowly light up the sky, the image of 127 House burning flashes in front of your eyes and it made you pull over on the side road and take your time to cry. You feel Jaehyun’s cold lips on yours as you imagine his body being eaten by fire. 

Halloween present time 

“But did the demon really died mommy?” your daughter asked. Eager to hear the answer to her question. Until now telling her the story about Jaehyun, without the gory details and sex part of course, still gives you goosebumps. “You never answer my question. You’ve been telling me this story since I was six, I’m nine years old now. Please please please, answer the question” she added. 

“Wow look who we have here” he knocked before coming in, “can I come in princess?” 

“Of course daddy. Mommy, won’t tell me the ending of the demon eating-human” your daughter whines. You and Jaehyun just laughed at her and snuggled all together in her small bed. 

“He didn’t. Now, will you please sleep?” he strokes his daughter’s soft hair, “mommy is tired already and I’m here to get her. Can I?” 

“How can you be so sure he didn’t die?” you and Jaehyun groaned together. 

“Okay. That’s it good night. No more stories. We love you, sleep well okay?” Jaehyun used his fatherly might and stopped his own daughter from bugging you both. She’s quite a handful sometimes. You and Jaehyun gave her a good night kiss and left her to sleep. 

EXPLANATION

Jaehyun got out from the fire because he’s a demon and demons are immune from fire. He is a smart demon (btw he’s a university professor) so he found the reader again and incase you missed it, the reader regrets it because he loves Jaehyun so much. 

Check the comments section for other answered questions. 

Thank you for reading! 

[acourtofsnakes]

A Helping Hand - Bucky Barnes x Reader (f)

(Gif: @sebastianruinedme​ )

Summary: After a stressful week, you try to wind down with some personal time but nothing quite hits that spot. And a certain Super Soldier may just be more than willing to help you. 

Warnings: 18+ Smut - Masturbation/toys, Oral (f receiving), fingering, neck play, arm/hand kink, dirty talk, a faint Dom theme if you squint, swearing – honestly, Bucky should just be a kink in himself.

Word count: 5k+ words full of hot playtime. 

A/N: This is just filth, to be honest. I was feeling a certain way after watching episode 3 of TFATWS and seeing that scene with Bucky cleaning his hand and… ideas happened, and this was born. There’s not really a plot… simply enjoy. 

Smut under the cut!!

Permanent Taglist: @greeneyedblondie44 @mamacitapascal​

Part 2

There was something to be said about the advancement of toys in recent years. 

There were hundreds of them. All different types. For all different things. 

Rabbits, waterproof vibrators, pulsating and pounding ones, ones that felt like oral, handsfree vibrators, remote control vibrators – the list went on. 

You had a lot. Tucked in a drawer of your dresser in a pretty box that just made you go all tingly in the knees every time you saw it. 

You were proud of your collection. 

And boy, did you love them. 

They never let you down, ever. 

But unfortunately, tonight was just not one of those nights. 

It has been a tough week. 

Not only had you taken a beating in training yesterday, but you were also late for an appointment across the city, which resulted in being yelled at by Fury. 

You really regretted decided to help him when he needed it. 

There wasn’t a lot going on lately, so you offered to help Fury when he needed it. 

Usually, you were on his food side. 

Yesterday, not so much. 

Everything seemed out to get you, and after the shit show of the week, you just wanted to treat yourself. So, you’d holed yourself up in your room on your floor of the compound, had a long, luxurious soak in the bath, and then decided to work out your anxiety and tension with one of your many, many friends. 

And for the first time in a while, they just weren’t hitting that spot. 

Literally. 

You groaned, throwing the third toy - this one a rabbit that was one of your most trusty companions - on the side of your bed. 

For the last forty minutes, you’d been dancing between three different toys and your fingers. 

You’d tried being on your belly, your side, and your back. You’d even tried a pillow. 

But nothing was the right pressure on your clit, no toy or finger felt deep enough inside, and you couldn’t hit that spot inside without getting a wicked cramp in your wrist that forced you to stop. 

You sat up, every nerve in your body wound to a knife edge, leaving you frustrated and tempted to throttle someone. 

Or get someone to throttle you. 

Preferably whilst pinning you to a wall... or a desk. 

Or anywhere really. 

You just needed something, anything to get out this frustration and give you the release you’d been desperately chasing all night. 

It wasn’t even a case of hovering on the edge - you couldn’t even get there. The fire and heat just stayed a kindling ember in your belly, and never reaching that explosive fire. 

After getting up and downing a measure of whiskey whilst watching the rain, you decided to try a last-ditch attempt with a different toy. 

This one was a curved vibrator, with a thicker rounder head for supposedly perfect pressure on your g-spot. 

Simple, straight forward. 

Surely, if none of the others had done it, this one finally would. 

After settling back on your bed, you took a little more care this time, even going as far to light a few candles to add an ambiance to the room rather than have it pitch black with the sounds of the rain. 

You worked yourself up this time, building it slowly, teasing yourself with brushes of your fingertips over your throat and breasts, setting your skin ablaze. 

You pushed yourself to the edge a little, and then worked over with your vibrator. 

Until ten minutes later, when you literally launched the vibrator across the room and it hit the wall with a resounding thud, that echoed your hiss of frustration.  “Fucking hell.”  

A shit week, a shit day, and you couldn’t even fuck yourself well enough to be able to wind down and get some sleep. 

There was a sudden knock and then Bucky’s voice echoed through your bedroom door. “Darlin’?” There was a slight hint of his Brooklyn accent peeping through at the end, stirring something within you. 

You startled, sitting bolt upright and your head snapped to the door, “Bucky?” You had the good sense to lock the door, but still. He was right there. 

His shadow moved beneath the door, and you realised he was leaning against it, “Is everything alright? I heard banging.” 

Well, no not really. I’ve been trying to get myself off for the last hour and nothing appears to be working and I’m sitting here naked whilst you’re the other side of my door calling me Darling in that ridiculously hot accent that shouldn’t even be that hot. But hey, apart from that, everything’s great. 

You slid off the bed, padding across the room after dropping your toys back in their drawer, glaring at it as you passed. You slipped a robe on before making your way across the fluffy rug to the door, “Yeah, I’m okay...” You unlocked the door, tugging it open. 

Bucky was leaning against the doorframe, all broad shoulders, long lines and soft smile. 

His searing blue eyes were instantly locked onto you, a smirk playing on those gorgeous lips.

He cocked his head, standing there with his arms crossed, and you noticed that for once, he wasn’t wearing any gloves. Just a simple long-sleeved T-shirt, jeans that hung sinfully close to his hips and... no boots. Just socks. 

Like he’d taken his shoes off before waking into your apartment. 

Ever the gentleman. 

His arm was bare, the soft light of the hall bouncing off of the black vibranium and sparking the gold. You’d always loved his arm. The sheer power of it, the way you’d seen it shatter a man’s ribs instantly and tear through a brick wall like it was made of glass. The same hand that tickled behind the ears of a stray kitten in Prospect Park and test the ripeness of plums at the market. 

You wanted that hand around your throat. 

Eyes the colour of the Arctic sea roamed over your body, from your slightly mussed up hair to the flush along your neck that disappeared in the dip of your dressing gown. “Mm... are you sure about that?” He tilted his coyly, a smirk playing on his lips and you had a feeling this expression had been one of the trademarks since the 40’s. 

You narrowed your eyes at him, more than aware that he was seeing far more than you wanted him to, “I’m fine.” You turned from the door, leaving it open for him to come in, “How comes you’re up on my floor, anyway?” You peered over your shoulder at him as you padded across the room to the drinks cart. 

Yes, there was a bar on your floor, but why couldn’t you have a cart in your room? Tony hadn’t even needed to ask when designing it. 

Bucky walked in, his footfalls silent like a cat, that training never quite leaving him, “I couldn’t sleep. No nightmares, just restless.” He added the last part quickly, in response to the concern that tightened your expression. 

It was nothing unusual, Bucky coming up here to your room.  

You often found each other after nightmares or rough days, seeking comfort and distraction from the darkness that lingered. 

Some days and nights, you went out, needing an outside diversion from the thoughts. 

Other times, you stayed in, watching films, talking, training or just... sitting quietly, knowing that the other persons presence was enough protection and reassurance. Words weren’t needed… just company.  

You handed him a drink, plopping down on the end of your bed and you watched him sink into the couch opposite, “Anything you wanna talk about?” 

Since everything with the War, Bucky was working on fitting back into a routine, into ‘normal’ life - or what could be considered normal for people like yourselves. 

He was undergoing his mandatory therapy sessions, and they seemed to be helping him. 

He was back in contact with Sam, and the pair even worked a few jobs together now and then, even if they did bicker like an old married couple - it provided great entertainment when you tagged along. 

He leant back on the couch, settling his left arm across the back. He always looked at home on your floor, relaxed, like his mind could shut off a little. “Nah, I’m okay... Thank you though.” He shot you an easy smile again, one that he probably hadn’t used in.... decades. “What about you? Why are you up so late?”

Mimicking his shrug, you kept your expression neutral, making sure your eyes didn’t drift to that certain drawer, “Rough week. I was reading to try and drift off.” 

“Mmmhm...” Bucky’s hummed response told you instantly that he did not believe you one bit. “What were you reading? Cosmopolitan’s best guide to toys?” That shit eating grin graced his face and he motioned gracefully with his left hand... to the corner of the room. 

The vibrator you’d launched was sitting on the floor, nestled in the rug, the soft mint green silicone practically a beacon. 

Okay. 

Okay…. So. There were two ways you could respond to this. 

Either play it off, deny it and change the subject. 

Or…

Turning back to him, you shrugged again, “Oh, I’ve read that back to front. And made a few additions myself.” You cocked your head, a faint flutter in your belly as you awaited his response. 

The barest flicker of surprise danced across his beautiful, rugged features before dissolving into something confident and smouldering. “Well, it looks to me like their guide isn’t true to review tonight. Something tells me you’re having a little bit of trouble.” His voice had begun to lower into a deeper, the natural roughness of his voice coming out. 

It stoked that fire within you, warming your blood and curling low in your belly. 

“And if I was? What would you suggest to help?” It was almost impossible to remain sitting still as the atmosphere folded and changed. There was one obvious route to your back and forth… and you wanted it. 

Wanted… him.

And if you were honest, you had for a long time now. There was just something about him that you’d always been drawn to, a simmering tension that settled whenever you were together. 

Bucky rose from the sofa in a fluid movement, walking toward you slowly, casually, but with the grace and prowl of a wolf eyeing up its next meal – you. 

And fuck, you wanted him to devour you. 

He slid his hands into his pockets, feet silent on your wooden floor, “Well… I would say that as wonderful as your toys may be… they’re just that. Toys. They can’t… feel what you like.” His eyes burned through you with each of his steps. “They don’t hear the noises you make when they hit the right spot. They don’t get to see the way your body reacts, the way your teeth sink into your bottom lip because it feels overwhelmingly good.” 

He was close enough for you to smell his cologne, and that only added to the growing wetness between your thighs as his filthy, beautiful words. 

Bucky stopped in front of you, removing his left hand and touching his fingers to your chin to tilt it up to face him, “They can’t know the little things… the deeper angle, that extra finger or sweep of the tongue… they can’t make you so wet that it runs down your thighs and they can’t make you arch off the bed as you shatter into starlight…” He sighed softly, shaking his head in mock disappointment, “I’m afraid they just… can’t make you come the way a real person could.” He applied a little pressure to the underside of your chin, and you rose to your – unsteady -  feet instantly, putty in his hands.  

Holy fuck, Bucky Barnes had a mouth on him. 

Your teeth had indeed sunk into your lower lip, and your breathing had grown shallow. It was an effort to keep your thighs firmly locked together… Because you were just as wet as he had said. 

The dark flame in his eyes told you that he knew the reaction you were having to him. He brushed a cool thumb over your lip, then tugged it gently to free it from your teeth and at the same time, he leant his head down to your level, “They can’t make you come like I can, darlin’.” This close, his warm lips brushed the shell of your ear, his voice reduced to a husky rasp that only further drew out that Brooklyn accent. 

The soft moan that left your lips was almost pitiful, but you didn’t care, “Shit.” 

You breathed the word, earning a deep chuckle in your ear before Bucky pulled back, only enough to see your face, “You want me to help you? Give you a helping hand?” His words were low and seductive, but he was looking between your eyes, making no more moves until he knew you wanted this. 

If you changed your mind, he would leave right now, and say no more about it. 

That very thought pained you. 

Something had always hovered between you both… and maybe now was the time to let it out. You shared a few kisses on nights out and he had featured heavily in your fantasies night after night, wishing your fingers were his, the toys were him….

You met his eyes, your own clear and sure and you kept that gaze as you parted your lips. Then swept your tongue along his thumb and tilted your head down just enough to take it between your lips. The vibranium was smooth, cold and it felt oddly delightful on your tongue. “Make me come, Bucky. Prove to me you’re better than the toys.” Your voice was low with need, a soft pleading note for him there as you gazed up through your eyelashes. 

The Arctic blue of his eyes deepened to near midnight, his pupils blowing out as he watched you talk around his thumb, your tongue sweeping over the metal and he almost purred, “Oh, baby, you won’t need toys when I’m done.” And then he was on you. 

He gently pulled his hand from your face, instead placing it lightly around your neck, the heavy metal settling on your collarbones and that alone drenched you. 

He looked between your eyes, checking one final time and then his mouth was lowering onto yours, his lips warm, plush and ever so inviting. Instantly, he licked a teasing line along your lips, which you would have parted for him without the request. 

Bucky’s tongue slipped past your lips, sweeping against yours in hot strokes as he explored every corner of your mouth. 

He tasted divine, and even more so when his thumb lightly tipped your chin back and he traced the tip of his tongue along the roof of your mouth, licking over the ridges and showing you exactly what that tongue could do. 

A groan left your lips, and you slid your hands up his arms to those shoulders, those gorgeous broad shoulders that all you wanted to do was dig your nails into them and use for support as you rode him. 

A deep curl of delight and joy was unfurling within the heat in your belly, because you needed this, needed more of him and his hands and his tongue and his words… and you were finally getting it

Hell, he had only just started kissing you and you already could have fallen apart just from that. 

“Why have we not been doing this all the time?” Was the only thought that your already fuzzy mind could come up with as he pulled away slowly from your lips, only to begin pressing hot, open kisses against your jaw that were all teeth and tongue. He seared a path to your neck, kissing all over until he found that particular spot that made you whimper and arch into his body. 

Bucky laughed low against your neck, the sound vibrating, “Oh, baby, you were struggling, weren’t you? I’ve barely even touched you and you’re already a mess…” He used his hand on your throat to tilt your head to the side, before biting at your skin, sweeping his tongue over the hot and sucking a deep mark there. 

A slight whine rippled in your throat, fingers pulling as his shirt and your chest pushed against his, the firm heat of him making your nipples tighten, especially when he pushed into you. 

Bucky slipped a hand between your bodies, tugging at the cord of your dressing gown and it slipped from your shoulders, leaving you bare and open to him. 

He licked down your neck, his tongue smoothing over the shape of your collarbones and then down your sternum to your breasts. He butterfly kissed the soft flesh, then almost delicately sucked at your rleft nipple, lifting his vibranium hand to squeeze the other, “So beautiful…” He mumbled it half to himself, his dark mussed up curls soft against your skin. 

One of your hands trailed up the back of his neck, slightly tangling in the hair at the base of his head and you pushed your chest further into his mouth, “Tease.” The word was a soft gasp, your eyes closing in pleasure and your lips parting. 

He chuckled, pulling back to blow a cool breath on the wet skin, watching your nipple harden and then he moved to give the other the same treatment, “Oh, I’m a tease, am I? I can stop if you like.” He grinned around the delicate skin, just slightly grazing his teeth as he tugged your nipple and then he continued his trail of kisses down your body, slowly sinking to his knees. “I don’t think you’ll ask me to stop though, darlin’.” His right hand grasped your ankle, and then he ghosted warm fingertips up your leg, past your knee and then pausing at your inner thigh, at what he felt there, “No. No I don’t think you’ll ask me to stop at all.” 

The cocky bastard grinned once more against your stomach, before dipping his tongue inside your belly button.

“Bucky…” You couldn’t hide the whimper in your voice, nor the way your hips rocked forward in a plea. It was almost painful how much you needed him to touch you, needed to feel his lips and his tongue. 

“Shhh, baby, I know.” His hands slipped up your waist, as soothing as his gentle coo against your belly button and then he brushed his lips lower and lower… and then finally, he pressed a soft butterfly kiss to your pubic bone. 

A low groan tore from his throat, his hands digging into the soft flesh of your hips as he saw you, swollen and positively dripping for him, “Oh, darlin’, look at you…” 

The sheer desire and awe in his low voice caused heat to flush along your cheekbones. You weren’t shy by any means, but the almost primal admiration in his voice was something you’d never heard before, the pure want and desire to make you feel good and worship you. 

Bucky admired the sight before him for a single moment, before lifting his eyes to yours and then he dove in, immediately devouring you like he was starving. His deft tongue slipped through your slick folds with ease, and he moaned again at your taste, at your smell, everything. 

He pressed his tongue flat against you before sucking at your clit, with such an intensity that you almost choked. It was a simple movement, but it shot electricity through your body and made every single nerve stand on end. 

He let that coil of energy begin to build, and then he licked back down, his hands sliding down to palm at your ass cheeks before digging his fingers into your skin, pulling you in further so he could bury his nose against your clit and his tongue – fuck, his tongue pushed inside of you, hot and heavy. It just felt so, so good, his nose putting pressure on your bundle of nerves, his tongue pumping inside you. 

Your hands flew down to his hair, winding through it to keep him there, keep him doing that, to keep him fucking you with his tongue, “Buck-”. You weren’t sure what you were begging him for, only that you just needed to say his name, needed to do something. 

Your hips began to rock in time with his thrusts, and you became aware of it only when Bucky’s muffled moan reverberating through you. 

He liked it, no... he loved this, that you were grinding against his face as his tongue worked inside you, tasting parts of you no one else had ever gotten right before. 

“Fuck, Bucky, keep doing that – I’m-” You cut off with a high moan, your head tilting back as you rocked into him faster, chasing down that high that was so tantalisingly close. It hadn’t taken long, you were so worked up from your failed attempts that you were already there. 

Bucky’s began to lick and suck you with new fervour, his head moving in time with the jerks of his hips, feeling the way your walls were tightening around his tongue. His fingers dug harder into your ass, and you felt the silent command almost, Come. 

And you did. 

You cried his name out to the sky, every nerve in your body winding to near painful tautness before you shattered on his face, your first orgasm ripping through you. 

Bucky didn’t stop, working you through it and drawing it out further and further as he lapped up every single drop you gave him, moaning himself like it was the most tantalising thing he had ever tasted. 

He stopped only when your grip released on his hair, the sensitivity of your nerves almost painful, your legs shaking like crazy and he lifted his hand from between your thighs, his lips and chin glistening. He rose from his knees, nudging you back onto the bed and instantly crawling up your body, “You have no idea how good you taste.” 

You whimpered slightly, catching your breath as you watched him crawl up you, eyes burning like sapphire fire, his tongue licking slowly over his lips as he savoured you. Words were beyond you, desire still coursing through your veins and you were a little in awe at how quickly – and hard – he had brought you to your first orgasm. 

Bucky grinned devilishly, “That won’t be your last.” He lowered his mouth back to yours and as you tasted yourself on him, you grew instantly wet for him again. 

His body brushed into yours and you felt how painfully hard he was through his jeans, the sounds and taste of you getting to him of course. 

Your fingers had barely brushed against his restrained length when he shook his head, nipping at your lower lip, “Oh no, baby, this is all about you.” 

You ignored him, palming him through his jeans and he moaned lowly before his eyes flashed, his hand suddenly back on your throat and he moved his hips away so you couldn’t get to him. “I said no.” It was almost a snarl, “This is about you. Not me.” His hand tightened just slightly around your throat, making it that little bit harder to breathe and your eyes rolled back at how delicious it felt. 

It was a huge kink for you, the idea of someone – of Bucky - taking control, being in control of your body even it was just for a little while. You didn’t need to think or do anything. Only feel and be at the mercy of his touch. 

You relented, legs falling open for him and you tilted your head back, searching for his lips. 

Bucky granted you the kiss, a slow, languid kiss at first that was all simmering passion and tangling tongues, the taste on you still lingering on his lips. 

He palmed your breast again, tugging and squeezing the flesh until he scratched his nails lightly down your ribcage and belly. 

Yes, yes-

He wasted no time, no more playing and his fingers slipped lower, circling over your clit with a delicious pressure that had you instantly moaning into his mouth.

He toyed with your clit a little more, before gathering your wetness and then sinking two fingers inside you, pushing all the way into his knuckles, then drawing back out slowly. 

As he withdrew, you moaned long and slow into his mouth and he began a steady rhythm. Pushing and curling his fingers inside you a few steps, then circling and pulling at your clit, ever so subtly switching it up with each pass so you couldn’t predict what he would do.  

It felt amazing, but… there was something still missing. It still wasn’t quite enough to send you over that final edge… it wasn’t what you’d been fantasising about. 

No, it was his left hand. That dark, golden vibranium hand that was currently seated around your throat. 

The knowledge of what it could do, the sheer power in it that could easily crush your windpipe or shatter your jaw with a single flick of his wrist. 

That is what you needed. 

Those cool, powerful fingers inside you, working you over – that was the best toy. 

It was like he could read your mind somehow, or the way your body sung to his tune. He lifted his head, looking down at you with those searing blues and he cocked his head, a slow grin lighting his gorgeous face, “Oh… This-” he scissored his fingers inside you, stretching your walls and ever so slightly brushing up against that spot, “isn’t quite what you want, is it, darlin’?” 

Holy Christ, he was going to destroy you before you even got what you wanted.

You looked up at him, panting, hips rocking to the slower thrust of his fingers and you shook your head.

Bucky swore softly, panting himself and he squeezed your throat once before lifting his fingers, “You want these, don’t you?”

Instead of answering him, you ducked your head, taking his three fingers into your mouth and immediately gliding your tongue around them, up and down in slow, dirty strokes. 

The effect was instantaneous. Bucky’s hips jerked slightly against yours, his mouth parting as he watched you suck his vibranium fingers, hollowing your cheeks, eyes rolling back in your head like… like it was something else entirely. 

He groaned, swore again and then almost ripped his fingers from your mouth and from between your legs at the same time. 

Your entire body mourned the loss, feeling empty, clenching around nothing but mere seconds later, he plunged those three vibranium fingers inside of you, slick with your saliva and how unbelievably wet you were. 

It stung a little, but only added to the feeling as your hips rose off the bed, “Shit, shit-��

They felt… like the best toy you could ever imagine. Smooth, cold, and hard enough that you could feel every faint ridge of the joints as he slid them in and out. You reached out, grabbing his arm with one hand and the bed with the other, needing something to hold onto as instinct took over. Your hips rode upwards, back arching as you rocked his fingers in deeper, feeling them in your spine almost. It was better than you could have imagined. 

Bucky dropped his head to your chest, spreading his mouth over your breast and his other arm slid over your hips, pinning them to the bed so you were forced to take it. “You wanted this, baby… You take it.” He bit down on the soft flesh of your breast before smoothing his tongue over it again, working an alternative rhythm to his fingers and thumb again, so that your brain couldn’t keep up with which one to follow. It knew only the waves of fire singing through your veins.  

Time may have very well dissolved, because you could only feel pleasure, tinged almost with pain. 

The thick, hard stroking of fingers as they stretched and wrecked you. 

The circling, hard-soft-hard pressure of his thumb on your clit. 

The bite of his teeth on your breasts, neck and chest, followed by the wet press of his tongue. 

The way he couldn’t help his hips slightly rocking against your leg. 

This was almost like a fever dream, expect your brain couldn’t have come up with something this mind melting. Not even if you were really, really worked up. 

The noises in the room were absolutely sinful. The unrestrained cries and moans from your lips, Bucky’s groans and his filthy words, the wet pump of his fingers inside you – it was obscene, filthy and completely, painfully mind-blowing. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, Bucky, please-” You had no idea what you were begging for, but every single nerve and muscle in your body was coiling tighter and tighter, your hips jerking against his arm as he pinned you down, forcing you to take this, to feel everything he was doing with no relenting. Tears were beginning to blur your eyes and the pleasure he unleashed upon you was almost painful. 

Bucky somehow moved his fingers harder, deeper, the ability of the tech in his arm allowing him to do so, “Let go, baby, come on, let it go for me..” He dropped his head, biting down on your neck and he pressed his fingers against that spot inside you, flicking your clit with his thumb and then it all just snapped. 

Waves and waves of hot fire flooded your body, dragging you up to the stars, further. It ripped the air from your lungs, made you half scream his name in a never-ending prayer. 

It just didn’t stop. 

Bucky kept moving inside you, drawing out every single second of your mind-shattering orgasm, letting go of your hips so you could grind them into his hand. “That’s it, baby… Look at you, so beautiful like that…” His praise spurred you on, making you feel almost like a goddess as you flooded his hand. 

He stopped only when you slumped back onto the bed, sucking in deep breaths as you tried to piece yourself back together. 

Better than toys indeed. 

~~

A little while later, you stirred from a light dose to see Bucky lounging on your couch again, cleaning the grooves and metal of his fingers with a soft cloth. 

The sight of him concentrating, taking such care and detail with the clean-up, the cleanup from the mess you had made, had you instantly wet again. “Bucky.” 

He looked up, hearing the low thrum to your voice and a smirk crossed his lips. 

You had a favour to repay for his helping hand, after all.